Mirrors
by chuchiwan
Summary: He had been wondering in the nothing so long he had lost himself... when he comes back, will the one he cared about the most be the same? or is it better to just fade with time?
1. Chapter 1

**Hello~ this is my first time trying to writ sad stuff... and i've never actually read a jeanmarco so there may be a bit of OCC-ness... it would help with the emotion if you listened to the song i made this after**

**Mirrors by Slot. it's really good a perfect for JeanMarco! okay... i'll shut up and let you read.**

**i do not own Shingeki No Kyojin... if i did you know Marco you be alive and the titans would be super kuwaii **

**Mirrors **

I don't remember when I got there….

When I first registered that I was walking, I couldn't even remember my own name….

I blinked and looked around me as I continued walking, a thick fog covered the seemingly endless place. nothing but the fog, a grey sky, and me for what looked like miles. I was scared. My legs were numb from walking, but I thought 'Maybe, if I could find someone… _anyone _, they could tell me where I am and who I am…' I walked for what felt like years, until my legs finally gave out on me and I fell to my knees.

I looked up at the sky, I felt like giving up… it hurt to move… and I didn't see any reason anymore…

I let out a small laugh… it didn't sound like it came from me… of course, I didn't really remember much about myself. I pushed myself back unto my feet, they quivered from the strain and I stumbled, but I kept on going… I had to… because I had to find him- 'Who?' my subconscious asked and I scrunched my eyebrows together and tried again to remember anything that would help me remember…

But everything was gone. And I was alone.

That was when I herd it, and the right side of my body ached as the male's voice hit me with such a strong wind it parted the fog around me. Yet it was a whisper…

"Marco…" The voice said and I hissed and held the right side of my face.. It felt wired… I was touching it… but I felt nothing… I decided it wasn't important at the moment. I was more urgent to follow the clearing the voice had made. I followed it until the fog in closed it again, but it had been enough. I cloud see a figure in the distance, I ran. I knew I wouldn't be able to walk once I stopped, but I felt relief… I had found someone… who would be able to help me.

But I felt all hope die inside of me as I dew closer and found that it was just a plain mirror. Standing straight on it's own accord. I looked into it and that's when I felt the fear from before hit me, much harder this time. I stared at the empty mirror- the one thing I wanted to do was to see myself, I wanted to know… who I was.

"Marco…"

I looked around, that man… his voice went right through me, and yet. I was glade it was calling out to me… I looked down at my left hand and saw blood. "is… this mine?" I asked to myself. Then I looked back up to the mirror. It was still empty. "am… I… Marco?" as if it was an answer, the voice called again.

"Marco…"

I sat on my legs and stared at the mirror. I had a feeling I knew why I was here but I didn't like it. "I'm alive…" I told myself. The thought of this being purgatory was very unsettling and I knew I needed to stay calm. I reached over with my left arm to the right side of my face, it was sensitive but not as painful as before, I pulled my hand back and looked at it. Fresh blood covered my pale skin and ran down my arm and into my jacket and white sleeved shirt.

"Marco…?"

I looked up, and realized the voice was coming from the mirror and when I looked in I saw myself for the first time.

My whole right side from the waist up was gone. Ribs were jagged, my right arm was gone… and my face…

I reached out at touched the reflection of the corps who's hand came up to meet mine. 'no… this isn't me… I'm alive! I have to be… for…' "Jean." I whispered and lowered my hand. I could remember him a little. He was the leader of… something. And I admired him quite a bit.

"Marco…?" I looked up from my cup as Jean walked up with a plate of food and sat next to me at the table. I smile at him, though I knew it wasn't real, I didn't want to upset him or make him worry over nothing. "Good morning! Did the swelling go down on your leg?" Jean looked down at his bandaged lag then waved it off, taking a big bite of potato, "It's nothing. Krista just bandaged it up because she's a worry-wart…"

I laughed and shook my head "Jean, you really should finish chewing your food before you talk." he swallowed and a blush came to his cheeks "W-Whatever… anyway, where's your plate?" I looked down at my cup and smiled sadly "I'm not hungry." Jean faced fully to me and patted me on the back awkwardly "Hey… we both know not everyone will make it each time we go out there to face them…you couldn't have saved her without dying for in her place. Promise me you won't leave me… I-I mean the squad! And also… promise me you won't… die on me, okay? " I looked up at him and he looked back with a stern expression.

I sighed "I promise. And I know all that… but it's different seeing one of our follow scouts being ate then just hearing about it…" the table the two of us shared was silent as the other scouts jabbered on with their conversations around us. I was about to change the subject when Jean put his potato against my mouth. I looked at him confused and he looked back determined "Eat it. You need to eat or you won't be at your best today." I smiled and opened my mouth, taking the offered food. Jean's figures brushed a crossed my lips as the last of the potato went in my mouth, he blushed and pulled his hand away.

I was happy… because I could be by his side… Jean.

I felt tears roll down my cheeks, I couldn't look at the person in the mirror anymore. Out of the hole where their eye use to be, blood spilled, and out of their single eye bitter tears fell. No. that person was not me…I told myself that I wasn't bitter about my death, but I was lying.

I punched the mirror and cracks appeared, my blood slide down from my fist to glass and I let myself be lost in grief.

"Jean…" I cried loud out and let all the pain I had hidden to the surface. "Jean… I never told you…I…."

I woke up and looked around, I was in my room, with a sigh I got up. Another weird dream… I had been having dreams like that ever sense I could remember… but that was the first time that 'Marco' guy had actually seen himself. And said my name…

In my usual dreams he would just walk… staring at the ground -kinda like a zombie- and I would follow him, I tried talking to him for many years, but he never seemed to come out of his trance… that is until that night. I wondered what the next dream would be, now that he was 'awake'… I got up and got dressed and headed out of my apartment. I was a bit annoyed going into work on a Saturday, but I had to, some guy with a bullet in his chest was needing a surgery. It just so happened that I lived close to the hospital I work at, and I was a surgeon that wasn't busy.

I pulled my BMW out of the parking structure of the apartments and groaned when I found the road I usually took to get to work traffic filled. and a some asshole honked at me for no god damn reason! So far… I wasn't in a good mood that day… as I sat in traffic I thought about Marco… I felt bad for the guy… sure when I was a kid I use to be scared of him.. Thought he was a nightmare monster… but..

'Jean… I never told you…I..' I thought about those last words he said before I woke up… I wished I knew what he was about to say, but I also knew weather I knew or not didn't matter. Because at the end of each dream, I would remind myself that Marco was something like a imaginary friend that only appeared in my dreams… or whatever… I don't really know how to explain stuff like that….

I eventually reached the hospital. I went straight to the ER section of the building and Krista, one of the nurses, walked with me to the surgical gear where I quickly cleaned up and put on a mask , rubber gloves and the standard blue gown to protected my clothes. She filled me in on the details as I did so "Dita Ness. 51 years old, got shot well crossing the street." I finished and turned to her "Did they ever find the people who did this?" Krista looked down and shook her head "Not yet… the police think it might have been just a couple of teenagers out for a joy ride…it's horrifying that that is considered normal these days…"

She was right, I had no faith in youth anymore… this world was so violent… that's one of the reasons I became a surgeon. I wanted to save people… and every night, when I would dream about Marco… I wanted to save his life… he was bleeding… I wanted to bandage his wounds… I stopped at the door to the operation room and ran those thought through my head again…no… I mean, yes I did want to help him… but he was only in my dreams…nothing more… that may sound a little cliché angsty but whatever… it was the truth.

The surgery was successful. Dita would need awhile to recover, but he would be fine. I went to the store and picked up a box of mac 'n cheese, some pears, and a pack of beer. I paid of it and went home, I lived alone so I made myself half the box of macaroni and cheese and I ate that with a beer… yep… the life a bachelor surgeon… I took out my phone and texted Connie to see if he wanted to hang out but him and Sasha were on their way to the airport, they apparently were going to Europe for a foodie trip. I told him to have fun and make sure him and Sasha didn't gain fifty pound or something while on their trip.

The time was then eleven P.M so I decided I might as well go to sleep and hand out with Eren, Mikasa, Armin, and Levi the next day… as I undressed and climbed into bed I felt a bit worried what I might dream that night.

I was cold…. The fog had gone away, and stone ground was reviled. I stared down at it well I started up walking again, I think I had cried myself dry by that point, and wondered what I had done to deserve this endless land of woe… but my heart fluttered as I herd from not very far away…

"Marco?"

I turned tours the voice and smiled hoping that it was him… "Jean?" I stopped walking and listen for him my chest fluttered… I could tell… Jean was with me.. I didn't hear a response so I just started talking… "Jean, I'm sorry… I promised you I wouldn't leave you… that I wouldn't…. Get caught… but I did.." I felt the hole where my right arm use to be…. Still bleeding….every rip, scratch and bruise felt fresh … "Jean? How long have I been here? How is everyone?… are you alright? … heh. I bet you and Eren are fighting more now that I don't calm you down…"

I felt so lonely… and I could feel new tears -that I didn't even know I had left- start to roll down my cheeks. I felt useless… I felt like an unmarked grave… forgotten… if Jean was really there he would probably freak out and try and comfort me, I never cried in front of him before... "Jean… please… say something…" I felt my hand being tugged by an invisible force and I let it pull me… my hand felt warm, and I smile. It had to be Jean.

I let it pull me for a long time, until we reached the cracked mirror covered in my own blood, and the grip on my hand disappeared… I looked at my reflection, the corps frowned back at me. I didn't want to see that frowning mangled body ever again, it wasn't me… "I'm alive…" I told myself again, and punched the mirror again… this time it shattered.

I woke up, It was around three in the morning… I had woken up because my stomach was doing uncomfortable lurches. In the dream I had yelled right in his damn face… but he still couldn't hear me. It was frustrating, and I tried thinking of something else to get my mind off it when suddenly I heard a crash from the kitchen "What the fuck?" it was probably just my weird neighbor, Zoë. She picked the lock to my apartment sometimes just to ask me if she could barrow some salt. But this was a bit different, she never came this late at night…

Grabbing my bat, I wearily went out to investigate. It was quiet so I crept through the dark to not alert the intruder of my presents. There was a sound from the kitchen and I held the bat tighter. I'm not much of a fighter but I'm clever enough to fight back if need be. I flipped the lights on and looked around quickly… no burglar…the macaroni and cheese box laid on its side. I guessed that it just fell off the counter. That is… until I saw the figure standing by the mess, I nearly choked on my own tongue.

"Marco!?"

**Continue? :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello~ it certainly has been a while on this story (oopse) but i'm back baby!**

**hope you like **

**Mirrors **

This had to be another dream, the bloody figure from my dreams stumbled, then slumped against the counter. I was frozen, dropping the bat from my trembling hands. I-it just couldn't be what it appeared to be. Quickly, my body regained some composure and I hurried over to him, but to my surprise, the bleeding had stopped, his open chest heaved up and down slowly…how could he be alive with that much of him missing? Again I told myself that this was just a dream. It only made sense if it was.

I carefully lifted his face, tears were sliding down steadily down from his closed eye over his freckled cheeks and I guessed he had passed out from exhaustion and pain. 'Should I call 911?' my mind offered and I shook it away, this was just a nightmare. When I wake up in the morning there will be no almost dead guy in my kitchen. Even if it was a dream though, I couldn't just leave him there… it didn't feel right. So I slowly pulled off his jacket and the weird straps with some kind of metal tins on either hip.

I went to pull him up onto my back but he was a lot heavier than he look, ehh… I stared down at him for a moment then lifted him into my arms and he rested on my chest, a bit awkwardly I walked into the living room while trying to keep him up, then as best as I could, I placed him down on the couch gently. He didn't show any signs of the move hurting him, so I guessed that was good enough… "Who are you?" I wondered out loud before shaking my head and turning to go back to bed.

"Jean…" I called, when I had shattered the mirror I hadn't thought this was going to happen….darkness had quickly shot out of the hole the mirror had been covering like black ink into water, and now I found myself missing the white emptiness. But I felt warmer, if that counted as something.

No anything, no nothing, not even myself, I had lifted my hand in front of my face, but only the dark was visible. Was it possible I had made it? Was this the after life? I didn't remember if I had been a religious person or not, so maybe I had been expecting this… but I voice in my head nudged on 'there's got to be something else' and I laughed brokenly and asked the voice out loud "Should I break another mirror?"

But of course, there was no answer. With a sigh I closed my eye (nothing different from having it open) and told myself to go to sleep, sleep would bring with it something… anything… I hoped.

Birds chirping . My eye flew open but I had to close it again because it was too bright. The sun was shinning, the sun existed! I didn't care about the brightness, I open my eye again and looked around me, I was in a strange room… there was a black square on a small cupboard full of slender books, hardwood floor, white walls with paintings of people… people that were oddly familiar.

But the thing that I found my eye locking on was the double doors in front of me, they were glass and it looked like they led to a plat form in the sky. I disregarded my legs that were weak and trembled when I threw them over the side of the soft long chair, when I opened the door a warm breeze ruffled my hair and cloths and I took in the seemingly different world from the one in the few memories I had. Huge buildings, everywhere. And I gulped when I looked over the railing, the people were ants from where I was and odd machines made loud noises…

"W-…Where am I?"

I groaned as sunlight seeped through the curtains and landed right on my eyelids… c'mon. it was Sunday! But now that it had woken me up there was no way I was going back to sleep. So, with another groan of frustration, I sat up and stretched my back. I remembered the weirder than normal dream and sat there for a moment thinking about it… was the next one going to be Marco dying? The end to the string of dream?… was that a good thing? I had no idea… I had never dreamed of anything else…where would Marco go? I slapped the side of my face and stood up, picking a white button down shirt up and throwing it on real quick.

He wouldn't _go _anywhere… he simply disappear. I stopped in the middle of my search for clean pants, my eyebrows scrunched together. Why did that thought bother me so much? I shook it off and finished getting dressed with a pair of lose black jeans. And headed out into the kitchen, I opened the fridge and grabbed the milk out, intent on making myself a bowl of cereal. But as I shuffled over to the cup board lazily, I step on something crunchy… the…macaroni and cheese box lay on the tile floor.

No… there was no way that had happen… but… I sat the milk on the counter and rushed into the living room. I half expected to find a dead guy sprawled out on the coach -That would be horrible. Not only would I feel guilty, I would most likely go to jail and have my medical degree terminated for poor medical practice or something- but I came to a halt in front of the coach. Nothing. No corpse. No Marco.

I held the fabric of my shirt as I tried to slow down my racing heart. Relief washed over me and I chuckled lightly over my own stupidity. Things from dreams don't manifest like that, where had my common sense gone? Maybe I should get out for a while… yeah. I thought as I sat down on the coach on pulled out my phone and text Eren 'hey I'm not busy today so I'll relief you of your boredom if you want' the reply had been almost instant but with a phone call. I rolled my eye -having calmed down from the adrenaline rush- and answered "Yeager. Why couldn't you answer a text with a text?" "My hands are full! Me and Levi- Oh… he says 'he's not here'- anyway, me and _someone_ just picked up our order at McDonalds."

I burst out laughing to the point that my sides hurt "Hey! What's so funny!?" he sounded irritated but that just made it more funny. I wiped a tear away and stared up at the ceiling "You cheep-ass, do you always take you're dates to fast-food places?" I pulled the phone away from my face as Eren yelled "IT'S NOT A FUCKING DATE!" Eren was Levi's assistant when it came to he's dealings in real estate, but outside of work they had formed some sort of weird relationship.

Over the line I could hear Eren embarrassedly tell Levi something, so I carried on "Whatever you say. So, after you're done with whatever it is you _**do**_with Levi- you wanna hang out?" Eren huffed, trying to calm himself down before responding a bit annoyed "Sure… whatever. But you can't come over unless you bring a good Xbox game-not that shit you brought over last time." I rolled my eyes again and looked over when I felt a cold breeze… huh. The doors to my balcony was slightly open…

With a grunt I stood up to close it "Yeah, Yeah. You and you're picky taste, It's a wonder Levi can stand you… then again, he's picky too…" I reached it and was about to close it…. That's when I saw him. Eren had yelled "Don't you dare start on that again or I'll kill you!" but I had barely heard it as I hide from the glass before I saw what he looked like, a break in? in the day time? "Eren… I think someone's trying to break in. I'll call you later." I heard him say "Are you serious!? You're just joking, right?" but I hung up on him.

What do I do? Call the police? Yeah, that's what any sane person would do. I lifted my phone back up but then another thought hit me. What if it was Marco? Pifft. As if. Didn't I just tell myself how ludicrous that idea was? But… I guess I should take peek. You know, so I can tell the police what the vandal looks like. I poked my head over the edge of the glass to get a look and I instantly recognized the strange military-like uniform that was ripped up… it was Marco.

What to do what to do… I just stood there watching his back as he stared out over the city. I wondered briefly if where he had been before being in my dreams was anything like the city… probably not. But I was cut off wondering where he was from when I idiotically kicked the door with my bare foot as I shuffled closer. "shit." I cursed under my breath and looked down at my skinned toe. I should disinfect that. But I didn't give it much thought as I heard movement.

When I had heard the bang from behind me I had frozen, I wasn't alone. With a gulp of fright I turned around stiffly and my eye locked with familiar light brown ones… my heart, I felt it. It started to beat and though it ached so painfully that my hand shook I never wanted it to stop pounding. Tears ran down my face and I smiled. It was him, Jean…I had found you.

I dropped to my knees as my body shook, I didn't care, I was too busy thanking whatever force had brought me there. Jean was alive, he looked a little taller than I remembered but that was the only difference. He ran over to me the moment I fell and grabbed me by my shoulders "H-Hey, are you alright? Do you want me to call an ambulance?" I looked up at him and smiled as best as I could but I felt like I was about to faint "Jean. Thank you."

I found myself back in the white, laying on my side. I sat up quickly and chocked on blood that spilled out of my mouth. No…I had just gotten back! You can't just show me what I had been searching for-what I had been longing for- and then rip him away… I stared down at the cold floor and a smile crept into the corner of my lips as twisted as it was I thought out into the white void "At least my heart is still pounding." I sat there listening to it while it played it's song all around me "just close you're eyes…and listen." the voice of the fog whispered, a small high pitch voice… that of a little girl. And with a nod I listened to her. The pain grew less and less until I didn't feel anything. I was back in the dark.

"Marco! Marco!" I yelled but he didn't open his eyes, I laid him down and listened on his chest for a heart beat… "Come on, stay with me…" there it was. Very faint but there was a heart beat! I lifted him up as I did the night before and carried him quickly to the couch. Nervously my fingers ran through my hair. What should I do? Should I call the police now? What if this was just a hallucination? I quickly dialed Eren back and he picked up on the first ring "Hey-" "Eren… d-did I just talk to you? Couple of minutes ago?" he paused and I started taking Marco's bloody clothes off "Hey…? Are you okay? Did someone really break in?"

I moved the phone to my shoulder as I undid his button down franticly "S-Sorry about that- listen, change of planes… I can't come over today, but maybe tomorrow?" I threw the shirt to the side and almost gagged "Yeah… whatever, it's not like I even wanted you to come over so… bye." I didn't care if Eren was brooding. I hung up and stared down at Marco in disbelief. The right side, it looked like someone had held him over a cheese grader and when they had their fun, they left him to rot…. But that's the thing. He should've been dead, he was missing half his organs his lever was only half there, gallbladder gone. He was lucky his heart missed whatever hacking he had gotten.

Even after seeing so many patients in horrible condition, nothing ever to the level Marco was suffering and I couldn't continue to examine him, because I couldn't help him. He was the reason I became a surgeon; to help people like him… and I couldn't help him. I picked up the book on the coffee table and smacked it as hard as I could against my forehead. "Damnit!" but I didn't let myself get lots, I recomposed myself and headed for the kitchen to get the medical kit. I figured, if he had held on this far, he could pull through and I would stay by him until he was okay.

My hands weren't shaking anymore as I wrapped the gauze around him gently, I cut his pants off and dressed him in a pair my underwear and covered him with a bed sheet. It reminded me of watching my dad on his death bed when I was little, the uncertainty and false hope you get from watching them sleep peacefully. Even if I didn't even know if he was real, I cried as I sat on the floor by him. "Marco. You have to wake up, fight for you're life… and don't you dare give up."

I gasped for air as I woke up. I had woken up? I couldn't move though, something heavy was on me but I turned my head as I heard a shuffle from a different room "Marco?" it was Jean, he came running into the room with a look of surprise and relief. "Hello." was all I said, I didn't really remember all that much still. Did he remember me? Obviously, he knew me by name and looked like he was concerned about me was he came to my side. He lifted the blankets off me and I felt a bit embarrassed when I saw that I was only in blue shorts. "Amazing…" he mumbled as he sat the sheet back down then looked to my face.

My face felt hot and I looked away slightly "I-I mean! y-you're not bleeding! Amazing!" this seemed some what familiar and I felt my heart ache again. The room grew quiet for a moment before Jean looked back at me seriously "Marco… who are you?" I smiled and patted my chest where my heart was as it seemed to throw it's self as hard as it could against my jagged ribs. Maybe it wanted to break? But I kept on smiling "I was actually hoping you could tell me that…" I laid my head down onto the pillow and glanced out to the balcony, it was dark out. It had seemed only minutes in the dark… like dreaming.

Jean stood and I looked up to him, he looked determined as he held his hand out to me "Well, my name is Jean Kirschtein…." I shook his hand "My name is Marco…err… Blot? Bold?" "Bodt." I looked at him surprised and he just shrugged "I've known that name ever sense I can I remember… I don't know how or why… but…" he leaned in with a slight blush "I've been watching you… that white place… just walking." I almost choked on my spit in surprise and he looked away "In my dreams."

I looked away from his face, urg… I probably sounded like an insane creep. But then, he laughed. How on earth could he laugh? But I just watched him as he just let out all his humorous feelings, it was… something. I don't know, but hearing him laugh made me feel a lot better… finally he calmed down enough to speak "I-I'm Sorry… I was just thinking about…old times." now I was confused. But I could see that his eye lid drooping so I didn't want to crowed him with question when he was tired .

I stood and stretched with a yawn "Well… I'm glad to have finally met you in person. You should rest up." Marco looked as if he wanted to say something and I waited for him but after a few moments he smiled again "You're right, good night, Jean. Thanks for everything." I nodded and smiled back "'Night, Marco. If you need anything just call for me, I'm just down that hall." I pointed to the hallway and he nodded "Okay, Thank you."

I watched him turn off the lights and head down the hall until he turned into a different room and close the door. Jean…. Feeling my bandages along my face and down to where my shoulder should be, I wish I could've told him right then, when I hesitated…. But he didn't remember the 'Marco Bodt' I use to be like I remembered him….

"Jean! Wait up! " I called as I pushed my way through the crowd. Jean had stopped and waited "Marco, you have to shove your way through a crowd like this." I scratch my cheek embarrassedly "Sorry… but don't you think it's a little mean to push and shove?" Jean pointed at me accusingly "You're just too nice, Marco!" he laughed. "But If you don't want to, then you better hold onto my sleeve. If we get separated here it could be days before we find each other." I nodded and held his sleeve and he did all the pushing. We made it to the other side and gave a sigh of relief "For a moment there, I thought I had lost you, Jean." he laughed "Hey, but we made it through."

Just then Sasha and Connie popped up on either side of us "What's this? A lovely couple out for a stroll?" Sasha asked slyly Jean blushed and pushed her off his shoulder "Wha-!? N-no! where'd you get that idea?" Connie was beside me and grabbed up my hand that was no longer holding onto Jean's sleeve, but instead being held by Jean's own hand. The four of us were silent for a moment before Jean let go, his face a deep red "S-Sorry, Marco." I waved it off with a laugh "No, it was probably me, when I almost tripped." Connie sighed "You guys were holding hands." Sasha nodded seriously as she took another bit of her bread "No deceiving these eyes."

I smiled at the memory that had just came back and let myself fall asleep to the many strange noises of the city.

**Hope you find it good~ and reviews help speed my updating~ so... (hint hint)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sigh... i feel so sad writing every chapter...**

**yep... that's what i'm using as why i take so long to put up chapters...**

**Mirrors**

I found it hard to draw any logical conclusions to Marco's existence. Just when I thought I had seen it all from him, he showed me a new side to things.

It had been the next day, Marco and I had some ideal chatting as we eat scrabbled eggs, then I gave him some of my clothes to wear. "Wait, before you get dressed, I want to change your bandages." he smiled brightly as usual and nodded so I went to work taking the gauze and medical tape off as gently as I could. The air was thick with a high level of awkward silence so I tried starting a conversation "Er- so Marco, do not remember anything? You said something last night about 'old times'… I-I mean, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to of course!"

Oh god, I had just made it ten time more awkward! Why am I so bad it talking to him? I had then pulled out the scissors from the first aid kit and started to remove the bandages around his face. His eyebrows were furrowed together in thought and he closed his eye "Hmm… it's hard to explain… when I first 'woke up' in the white place, I couldn't remember anything. But then I herd your voice calling out to me and I remembered bits and pieces of you and others…"

The bandages slipped off his face once cut to reveal everything looked the same as the day before, everything was still wet with blood yet not a single drop was on the gauze, it confused me… it was as if, his body had always been like this, like this was the way it should be. No… that's not right. Marco was clearly suffering… but could it be that maybe he wasn't suffering physically? Maybe mentally or emotionally? I wanted to smack myself on the forehead for that one. Of course he was, he was probably suffering all three ways.

When I had broken out of my thoughts to his mention of remembering me, I looked at his closed eyelid lined with long, thick lashes and thought. besides from in the dreams I had, I was sure I had never seen his face before… then again, I was a toddler when I started dreaming of him. "You remember me… from before the white place?" he finally opened his eyes again, they were full of sadness "Yes, but just tiny bits of conversations we had or things we did, people we knew… I can't remember their faces and yet I know their personalities and can remember them being in certain memories…"

Jean was watching me closely, he didn't say much as he continued to take off my bandages. I Wanted him so badly to tell me something about myself… anything would be fine really… but from the word he had said the day before 'Marco… who are you?' I knew he didn't remember me… why? How long had I been dead? That was a disturbing thought… how was I alive? If I had been dead long enough for someone to completely forget about me, wouldn't that mean my skin would be rotted away? And how is it that Jean looks just as I remember him if I've been gone so long? Why does my heart ach so painfully when I look at him?

My head hurt from all the questions swirling around in my brain. So I tried to think of something else "Jean…Thank you." I closed my eyes, because I could tell if I looked at him at the moment, my heart was sure to pop "For what?" for what? I chuckled, my lips curved up into a smile and I shook my head "For everything." I didn't know how I had come to be alive again, but as long as it lasted I would be able to be with Jean…Jean… I never told you… I'm-

Just then a bell sounded through out the house followed by banging on the front door. Jean was just finishing rewrapping so he stood up and went for the door "You can go get dressed now, Marco." I nodded and went down the hall to the room I assumed was the bathroom and closed the door. Right in front of me stood the sink, but above it was a mirror. I hated it. I could see the bandages were already soak in blood and the sunken in eye with it's dead stare, blue lips… a corps. I turned away from it and started to slide on the clothes as best I could with one hand.

After finishing I turned to move towards the door, not looking at the mirror at all, when I heard a familiar voice "Marco…" I turned around quickly to see fog pouring out of the mirror… but it wasn't even a mirror anymore, it was a window into the white place. "Marco…" it was the little girl's voice again… the voice of the fog I presumed. "No." I whispered and took a sharp intake of breath as the fog covered the small room "Marco… sleep." I wasn't going to go back there. Never. I turned to the door and grasped the handle only to have a small hand place itself on top of mine, the hand wasn't attached to a person. It disappeared elbow deep into the fog.

Though terrifying, the hand was soft… comforting. And I felt my heart rate slow as I calmed down "Marco…sleep." my eyelid drooped… wait, I needed to stay awake! I shook my head and flicked the hand off mine and opened the door. I hurried away from it as it called repeatedly "Marco. Marco" but I wasn't listening to it, I was quickly making my way back to the other room, following Jean's voice.

"Why? Do you even have any plans?" Eren was getting on my nerves. After sending Marco off to change, I had gone to answer the door only to find Eren standing outside in the hallway off the apartments looking as ornery as ever. I sighed and rested up against the door frame "Yes, actually, I do have plans today, but thank you for stopping by, it's always a pleasure to see you." I said sarcastically and was going to close the door when Eren put his foot in the way "What plans do you have that are more important than playing Xbox and hanging out with your friend!?"

I rolled my eyes "My job." there was silence for a moment as Eren stared at my dumbly. I sighed, "Look, I have a client over… so I'll talk to you later, bye." and I closed the door without much protest. Good. But as I turned back to go to the living room, I saw Marco walking to me quickly holding the half of his face that was bandaged. We met in the middle in front of the kitchen and I grabbed him by the shoulder to study him. He was clearly shaken up, his eye was wide open and he was breathing unevenly "Marco, what's wrong!?" he gulped and finally looked me in the eye "m-my bandages… I'm bleeding through."

That was not good. I quickly took his hand away from his face and looked for any sign of blood, I unbuttoned his shirt and checked there… nothing. "Where?" I looked up at him from my spot on my knees as I searched for blood. Marco looked back to me with a dazed confused look "I… I saw in the mirror…" I stood up and brushed my knees off and started to button the shirt back up. "Well, I don't see anything, do you feel any leaking anywhere?" he slowly shook his head "I was covered in blood…" it was nothing more than a shaky whisper but I caught it.

"You went through something traumatic to get hurt this bad- even if you don't remember it- hallucinations could easily explain what you saw… then again… in your case, explaining anything rationally is the impossible." Marco was quite. Oh god… I had been babbling, hadn't I? "err.. Umm.. Why don't you go sit down, I'll bring you some water." he smiled weakly "thank you." then he went to go sit down in the living room and I turned to the kitchen. That when I heard the loud slam of the front door being thrown open.

"Liar! You're a surgeon!" I jolted a bit at the sudden roaring voice. Then the owner flew into the room. He was a tan boy with dark hair and bright green eyes that shown with anger until he saw me. His first reaction was shocked, then he looked down and blushed "I-I'm so sorry…" I smiled up at him "It's fine." he seemed familiar… but I couldn't place him to a name. "Eren! How the heck did you get in?" I looked over as Jean entered the room with a glass of water. 'Eren'… now I remembered, he and Jean would always argue even though they acted a lot alike.

Eren looked to the side and scratched his head awkwardly "I know you keep your spare key taped to the bottom of your welcome mat… I'm sorry… I thought you were lying." Jean rolled his eyes and handed me the glass of water which I took and tried my best to drink, but ended up having most of it spill out my bandaged side. "Oh, I'll go get you a straw- Eren, get out." Jean hurried off and Eren turned to leave. "I don't mind if you stay." I called… I didn't really mind, he was actually helping me forget about what had happened in the bathroom.

He turned to me with a nervous smile, though he avoided looking at me directly. I knew it was because of the way I looked, but I ignored it." A-Are you sure? I mean, I don't want to interrupted your conversation and all… I'll just go…" maybe he had somewhere to be, I probably should just let him leave, but I wouldn't be satisfied unless I tried one more time "I'm fine with it, you know how Jean is, short tempered and all, I'm sure he's happy to see you even though he won't admit it." once again, Eren stopped and turned back. But this time actually looked me in the eye, the look of a curious kid on his face as he stepped closer to me.

"You… your one of his patients right?" I hesitated answering for a split as I thought it over. Was I his patient? I guess that's the only thing to consider me as at this point with either of us not remembering each other. I nodded and he seemed to be more comfortable as he sat down on the seat a crossed from me. We both pause our conversation when we heard a loud crash from the kitchen followed by Jean's voice as he cursed what ever had just fallen on his head.

"If you don't mind me asking how long ago did you have your surgery?" I could tell by the look in his eye that he could tell how impossible I was. It's nothing like I don't like it… I mean I'm sure I would be curious if I saw someone in the state I was "umm… it was yesterday I think." he seemed very taken back by this "W-What!? Shouldn't you, you know… be recovering in the hospital?" I smiled and went to take another sip of water when I remembered what happened before and I quickly placed it down on the glass table between us "Well… my case is a bit odd… so this is as best I'm going to get I think."

Eren seemed frustrated, angry, sad. I watched those emotions quickly flash before his eyes… he was a very compassionate person "I'm sorry…but… would it be to mush to ask how you… what kind of accident you were in?" I opened my mouth to speak but he quickly added "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." he looked so serious now, even though he had just met me he looked like he wanted to track down the person who did this to me… but it wasn't our first time meeting was it? Though I only remember having one real conversation with him and it was about Jean.

I sat back a little more and closed my eye as I thought… how did I get hurt? a voice in the back of my head quickly corrected me 'how did you die?' but I pushed it away, I was alive now and that was all that mattered. I reached over and touched where my shoulder and arm would've been… deep in my memories, at least… the ones I had remembered. I came to a memory gliding through the sky over the roof tops and and seeing people… large people- suddenly my side started to shake with pain a I grimaced but disguised it as disappointment "I'm sorry… but I don't remember."

There was a long pause in which I opened my eye and studied his look of determination "But wouldn't that kind of stuff be on your doctors chart or whatever?" I looked over his shoulder to the balcony but drew my eyes back as he waited expectantly "Well… I was found in Jean's kitchen, but I was already like this before then." Eren eyes went wide as he leans forward in his chair to listen intently "So then he took you to the hospital?" I was about to answer when Jean came around the corner from the kitchen holding a clear curvy tube "Sorry, I could only find this one-" he stops and stares at Eren who stares back and I wonder if they really are friends or some strange version of rivals.

"Eren, didn't I tell you to leave?" his voice is smooth and calm as he keeps still, Eren is the same "You did," "Then why are you still here?" "Because." "Because why?" this was amusing to watch but I thought I would help speed up the presses "I told he could stay… but now that I think about it, that isn't my place to say sense this is your house…" I felt my face grow hot and I looked down a bit ashamed "Sorry." suddenly I felt a hand on top of my head as I looked up to Jean who's face seemed as red as mine felt "Don't apologize…"

My heartbeat begin to pound against my jagged ribs once again as he continued to lean over me, he reach forward and I held my breath, what was he doing? Was he really about to… in front of Eren? But my crazy thought all froze and broke apart as the straw was placed inside my cup and he pulled away. What had I been thinking? I was revolting to look at… he wouldn't ever… now that I'm like this… what if I had come back looking the way I did in my memories? I'm sure we could've become great friends again even though he doesn't remember… was this some kind of punishment? Had I been a bad person?

After I slipped the straw into his cup I pulled away, that could've been really awkward and hard to explain if I just stood there leaning over him because the look in his eye… what was that look? I turned back to Eren who had a face that told me his gears were working in his head before he spoke for a change and then he looked up at me slyly. Never a good sign "Oh~ I see what's going on, Jean you have a crush o-" I was testing the theory 'if looks could kill' and Eren shut up but never stopped grinning "Oh man, this is too good to be true! I finally have something on you!"

I looked to Marco, you know… to check if he believed any of his shit, but he was just smiling… he was confused. "Okay. Eren… Get. Out. Now." he held his hands up in defense and stood up walking backwards to the door "Hey, it's nothing personal… oh wait… it is!" just as he reached the front door laughing his head off I called out in a sing-song-ish voice "Don't forget to tell Levi I say hi when you get home~!" and then I heard and irritated groan and the slam of the door followed soon after "TELL HIM YOURSELF!"

I smirked and shook my head. Typical Eren…then turned back to Marco who was sipping from the straw now. "Sorry about that… he's…annoying, it's just the way he is…" he laughed and for some reason I felt my face heat up, it was like hearing a beautiful sounding bell and his smile was just as beautiful, though half of it was covered with bandages… okay… what. What the hell?! I must've hit my head on the cabinet looking for a straw a lot harder than I thought… that was just creepy…

"I don't mind." wait… what were we talking about again? Oh right right… Eren. I calmed myself and plopped down on the couch with a sigh and he looked over to me, now seriousness shown in his eye though he was still smiling " I remembered him…from before the white place." now that threw me for a loop and I sat more upright to face him. "You and Eren were rivals… and… Eren had a… sister? Maybe… and another boy his age who he treated like a brother… I had their names, but after meeting him I can't remember which they are…" I listened to him figuring it out in astonishment… he really did know…?

"Your right. He has a step-sister, Mikasa and his best friend sense they were little, Armin…did Eren… remember you? Did he tell you about himself?" it's not that I was doubting if Marco had remembered that and not just gotten it from Eren… it was just a little weird… he shrugged "Eren and I only talked about my injuries… and if he did remember me… he didn't say so." I rubbed my face with a groan of confusion. But when I looked back to Marco he was out cold again. Oh shit!

It was cold. The familiar cold stone floor and the thick fog was the first things to great me as I woke up… I tried sitting up but I screamed in agony as one of my ribs dug into something behind them… not my heart… right? I looked around me and saw the huge puddle of blood I was in. with the rest of my strength I pushed myself to a standing position to look out over the fog that was up to my waste and I felt myself hyperventilating as I frantically looked all around me.

He wasn't there. "Jean?" my voice called out in an airy voice and I tried my hardest to remain calm but I was scared out of my wits about this place. I started walking, yeah… I would find the mirror and that would lead me to Jean as it did before. I placed my hand over my heart and that's when I begin to run frantically. It had stopped. No no no no no no no no no! "I'm alive!" I yelled as I heard the laughing of the fog. It was over. I would be stuck here again and there was no way out this time.

"Why did I think that?" I slide to my knees panting and coughing up a black powder… tried my hardest to not listen to the fog as it mimicked my voice. "I'm revolting to look at…" I felt tears coming to my eye as I continued to empty my mouth a black powder…was it…ash? I didn't understand and I couldn't control it so I just let it fall in bursts almost like vomit and I let myself cry, it was okay… Jean couldn't see me here anymore…right? "He would never like me the way I am now." after that the voice changed, it was Jean's "You're disgusting… a corps that moves… you should sleep. You should sleep. You should sleep. You should sleep." the voice continued and I held my head in my arm, flashes a crossed my eye. teeth, that smile.. Teeth again, blood and pain and I screamed as loud as I could "No!"

I sat there waiting by his side… it had been almost five hours sense he had passed out and I was beginning to assume the worst… no… Marco can't just die out of now where when his been doing so fine before. Checking his pulse again I find I still cant's find a pulse and I take a shaky breath in, wondering what I was suppose to do… should I leave his body here and wait longer for him to go back into it or whatever? Or should I sneak it out of the apartment and drive a couple miles out of the city to bury him?

But as I was thinking this I didn't notice Marco's face start to scrunch up until all of the sudden his limbs start flailing and his head shakes back and forth as he screams bloody murder "No!" I'm sure all my neighbors are wondering what the hell is happening but I didn't care at the moment, I easily restrained his arm and legs but his head still shook violently "Marco…it's fine, you're here back." I saw his eye slowly open and pure fear evident in it's shine. His head finally stopped shaking but the hand I held was trembling and I watched with guilt as he begin to cry.

**so I haven't finished watching the first season of SNK... and that was a while ago that i watched up to Marco's death... and i haven't read _ANY_ fanfics for SNK either so... i have a feeling there was a lot of OOC in this chapter so please forgive me for being the worst fangirl in all of time and i hope you read the next chapter!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello~ i know i know...it's been 57 days sense i put up the last chapter...but here it is! ans yes... it is a bit shorter than the last ones...but! more JeanMarco! please enjoy!**

**Mirrors**

It couldn't be helped, Monday rolled around and that meant I would have to go back to work. "Are you sure you'll be alright on your own?" Marco laughed and handed me my brief case while pushing me towards the door "I'm feeling a lot better today and you gave me your umm…phone number…" why did I not want to be separated so badly? I'd only known him for a few days…but we had talked a lot and I guess he was my friend now…I stopped at the front door and turned back to Marco who was still smiling "Are you sur-" "Jean…really? I'll be fine." he was right, I was being ridiculous. In twelve hours I'd walk through this door and see him waiting for me like a wi- whoa, Jean…do not finish that thought. "Okay…remember, if you need help call me." "I will." "There's food in the fridge so help yourself if you get hungry.." "Okay." "I left the box of bandages on the counter in the kitchen so…wait…don't try and rewrap yourself…if you need to get a drink of water-" "Jean." before I could even register what was happening Marco pushed me into the outside hallway "Go to work and don't worry, I'll clean up a little." he closed and locked the door.

Did Marco just…tell me what to do? I wasn't angry or anything…it's just…he's never been so bold…it was kind of funny. "Don't push yourself." I called before heading down to my car.

I looked around the apartment…it wasn't extremely filthy…most of the mess had been because Jean was paying too much attention to me…I was the reason he had been stressed out…no…I wasn't going to think negative thoughts…after what happened last time I was in the white place, I didn't want to give it anymore fuel…so, what to clean first… I started on the living room, I took all the cups of water Jean had brought to me to the kitchen sink, folded up the blanket I had been using on the couch, swept the hardwood floors…my arm hurt so I took a short break, then I washed the dishes as best as I could with one hand and put away the milk Jean left out on the counter…that was pretty much all the mess…besides the bathroom, and I didn't want to go in there if I didn't have to.

When I went to go sit down on the couch though…a door wide open towards the end of the hall caught my eye…it wasn't the bathroom so I decided to investigate…two things caught me off guard when I peeked inside…first the bed in the middle of the room and second, the horrible mess. I guess I forgot Jean had a room… but I would've never imagined it to look like this. Welp, I told him I would clean up…and he didn't tell me not to clean his room. I picked up all the dirty clothes and put them in a basket, then I threw out all the bottles and cans, scrubbed the stain in the carpeting, dusted, made his bed…I felt a lot better after all that…hopefully he won't get mad at me…though Jean is a nice guy…I could tell when Eren came over that he had a temper, he just hadn't turned it on me yet…I started to leave the room when I noticed the mirror on the wall…the corps in the fog stared back at me…but I just smiled at it before leaving the room.

That's when I heard something in the kitchen.

I dug in the patient's chest cavity for the last piece of glass. "I've located it." the nurse beside me handed me the surgical tweezers. The glass had almost severed a heart valve but not quite…I could still save her…very carefully I pulled the glass out and put it on the tray with the others. "Get something to soak up the bleeding, then we'll close it up and keep an eye on him." "'Her', sir." "R-right…her- get moving! She's loosing a lot of blood here!" damn… I was getting distracted, Marco is fine…I needed to focus. After that surgery was my half hour lunch break I had in my office…it was just a plain ass bologna sandwich…Marco had begged me to let him help make it but I told he should rest…I wondered briefly if that sandwich would have tasted any better if Marco made it…but probably not sense its bologna we're talking about, no one can make that shit taste good.

While I had a break I guessed it would be a good time to check my phone "five missed calls; Eren, Eren, Eren…Eren…Home phone…" Shit…I dialed it back right away and it rung…and it rung some more…where the fuck was Marco? Eventually he picked up "Hello…?" "What happened? Are you hurt? Did you pass out again-" "Jean, don't worry I'm fine…sorry for calling you while you're at work." I rubbed my forehead with a sigh of relieve…sense when did I become so attached to him? "Okay…so why did you call?" there was a pause before he responded sheepishly "I thought someone was robbing you…but it's fine, it's just your neighbor getting sugar…see you in a couple of hours, bye." my neighbor…? Hanji fucking Zoë…

I…honestly did not know what to do in this situation.. There was a women going back and forth in the kitchen mumbling "Sugar…where'd he hide it this time…" over and over while she made a mess looking for sugar in Jean's kitchen, Jean didn't answer so I guess the only thing I could do was confront her. "Excuse me…but who are you?" she lost all interest in the sugar when she looked over and saw me, a huge smile spread a crossed her face and she came over to me with a calculative eye "Interesting…" I was I bit confused…especially when she pulled my cheek and sniffed my chest…I'd never (at least not in any memory I can recall) met anyone so…so strange…"Have we met?" wait…wasn't I the one asking the questions? "N-no- who are you?" she stared at me for second before she busted up laughing.

"Oh, I completely forgot! Silly me~ my name is Hanji Zoë, scientist and next door neighbor!…and who are you?" "Marco Bodt…umm…person that lives here for the time being… nice to meet you." I extended my hand to her but she ignored it and poked my side "Did you feel that?" "yes." "What about here?" I sighed and pushed her back a bit. Just then the phone I had set on the counter started to go off, we both stared at it for a moment "Wh-what is it doing?" "Someone's calling...aren't cha going to answer?" I picked it up "Of course! Um…how do you-" "The green button." "Thanks." I pushed the green button and held it up to my ear "Hello…?" "What happened? Are you hurt? Did you pass out again-" I watched in the corner of my eye as Hanji climbed up on the counter and started going through the higher up cabinets "Jean, don't worry I'm fine… sorry for calling you while you're at work." Jean sighed loudly into the phone and I grimaced as Hanji pulled out a bag that clearly said 'sugar' on it "Okay…so why did you call?" Hanji came over and whispered loudly in my ear "You're from back then…aren't you?"

That through me off… I stared at her grinning face before I remembered Jean was still on the other side of the phone "I thought someone was robbing you… but it's fine, it's just your neighbor getting sugar…see you in a couple of hours, bye." she pushed the red button for me before hugging me painfully "I finally found someone who remembers way back then-do you know how many people have called me crazy?" I'm guessing a lot. "A lot!" I smiled half heartedly and pulled her off me again "Let's move to the living room." her smile grew "Okay~!" and she pulled me with her to the living room and sat me down before taking her own seat a crossed from me…still holding the sugar…"Now, what I'm wondering about first is how on earth did you are not dead…and second if you remember the titans?" I sighed there was lots of explaining to do…

I couldn't be more agitated the rest of my shift, just the thought of Hanji destroying my kitchen again drove me up the wall…and what about Marco…hm? She was a self proclaimed scientist after all, what if she tried to dissect him? "Jean? I know it's not my place to pry but, you seem very stressed… is something wrong?" I put on my jacket on and smiled as best as I could "Krista, everything's fine, just forgot about something important." I shouldn't have said that, literally out of fucking nowhere Dr. Ymir appeared "Sounds like you've got a date." Krista's eyes widened "A date?" "No. it is most certainly NOT a date." Ymir yawned and threw her arm over Krista's shoulder lazily "Whatever…but it totally is a date." it really is impossible to talk to these people sometimes. "I've got to go, Krista…see you tomorrow." I turned to leave and heard Ymir's snarky "What. No goodbye for me?" but ignored it. Marco was more important at the moment.

"Marco!?" I flinched as I heard the door slam open and got to my feet as Jean came into the kitchen with a look of concern "What happened? Are you okay? Did she attack you with a spoon?" I had to laugh at that last one "Has she attacked you with a spoon before, Jean?" he looked at me like I was psycho for doubting that she would "Yes…yes she has." I patted his back sympathetically but he moved away to take a look around the kitchen "Nothings…broken?" I smiled at him brightly …he looked…cu-innocent with the look of awe on his face. He leaned over to the stove where dinner was cooking then back to me "And…your cooking?" I nodded and reached in front of him to stir the pot but I stopped when Jean fell to his knees "Jean! Are you alright?" "Marco…I..I love…" my eye widen and I blushed…he couldn't really…could he?

"I love…

"I love…mac'n cheese…hurry up I'm getting light headed from hunger."

I sighed and pushed him away "Go wait at the table, it should be done soon." he got up and sat at the table like I told him…but I felt stupid for thinking he would say …'that' to me… Hanji's words rung in my ear: "It's almost like…your defective…" she hadn't meant for it to insult me- I had noticed from the moment we sat down that she would say whatever came to mind- but it did hurt…a lot. She had also told me a bit about how she remembered her whole past life…but she stopped suddenly saying that she remembered hearing about me…and then she said that she had to leave…I was curious though…what had she remembered that would make her so upset? Maybe I had been a bad person… it all just didn't make sense anymore…

"Marco….is it ready?" I snapped out of my thoughts and smiled at him "Yeah, hold on I just need to put it on the plates." he groaned and laid his face on the table as I came over with the plates "Rough day?" "Mm-hmm…" Jean lifted his head enough to shove a fork full in his mouth "Did you have any other problems besides Hanji while I was gone?" I smiled brighter "Not one." he smiled back at me the slouched again "I was thinking of having a few friends over tomorrow…you think that'll be alright?" would I be alright? I didn't know if I could handle all the staring…but it was Jean's house… "That's fine with me…this is your house after all…" Jean hesitated and looked to the side a bit "It's apartment and…I guess for the time being….it's yours to…" I smiled and took I bite trying my best to hide my stupidly happy grin "Okay." we ate dinner a talked for a long time…and that night I couldn't hide the smile on my face as I tried to fall asleep.

**mostly fluff but who dosen't enjoy a good fluff break? anywho~ things to look forward to...Jean's 'friends' make an entrance... Marco blushes on Jean's bed...and mirrors will satter**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello~ new chappy huh? hope you like!**

**Mirrors**

I rubbed my eyes with a groan… believe it or not it was actually hard to sleep now that I wasn't dreaming of Marco… but it was whatever. I was glad he wasn't still trapped there in that awful place. After getting up, taking a shower, and shaving I went to go wake up Marco. He had the dopy smile on his face and he looked to be having a really good dream…I wonder if his dreams are his memories or if he actually dreams of random shit like everyone else . Kneeling down next to him I shook his arm slightly "Marco… time to get up." he groaned and pushed my hand away mumbling softly. "So that's how it's gonna be?" eh whatever, I would wake him up later, in the mean time I had to get my lunch ready and head out for work. Sense it was Tuesday I would only have an eight hour shift unless an emergency operation came up.

Marco stumbled into the kitchen a few minutes later with the blanket still wrapped around him. "'Morning…" I chuckled as he sat down at the table and laid his face down on it "Where're you so tired? Looked like you were having a really nice dream with that smile you had on." he didn't respond at first and I thought maybe he had fallen asleep again but then he sat up a looked at me seriously "Jean… I found something ou-" BEEP BEEP BEEP. My watch chose that moment to interrupted. I quickly turned it off and looked back to him with my full attention "What does that beeping mean?" "Huh? Oh…um…that I should be heading out for work but you can tell me what you wanted to say really quick." he gave me this look, not really sure what kind of look it was but it was defiantly a look, he was quick to cover it with a smile though…had he been doing that the whole time? Was he actually in pain?

"No…you should go to work. I'll tell you later." really? So he wasn't going to tell me after a build up like that? "Lame." it slipped before I could stop myself and I quickly covered my mouth "I-I'm mean-" and that's when he starting giggling. I'd never seen a grown man giggle so…cutely…Gah! What? I-I'm not into Marco! Pfft…as if…n-not that there was anything wrong with me liking him…I was bi after all- but that's besides the point! I didn't like him that way and that was that…

"Jean, stop treating me like a fragile girl! I'm not as weak as I was before- and last time I checked…I am still male." he was pouting…? His freckled cheeks puffed up with air, his eyebrow drawn down and he glossy bottom lip jetting up….I gulped hard and looked away to my watch "I-I should get going- see you in a bit!" I picked up my sandwich and briefcase and fast walked to the door I heard Marco call "Do your best today!" and for some reason…I somehow knew I would.

With a groan I laid my burning face back on the table. "I can't believe it…" the night before I had finally excepted things for what they were; I wasn't meant to be in this life time, and I had feelings for Jean…the dream I had the night before was revealing…from it I had realized what the pain in my chest was…what the sentences I would start but never know what I wanted to say was.

I loved Jean.

We ran as fast as we could with our jackets flipped over our heads to protect against the rain. "Right here!" Jean grabbed my hand and pulled me into a small nook of a building where it's roof kept dry and we laughed at how stupid we had been, running like fools in the rain. "I think it's safe to say we can blame this all on you." his eyes narrowed at me and he leaned in "And how'd you come to that? Weren't you the one who said 'oh it's so nice out, we should go for a walk!' he 'mimicked' me as he batted his eyes and used a high pitch voice that sounded nothing like me "I was…but you were the one who wanted to buy food on the way." "I was hungry!" "Ah-ah. It was your fault…so if Shadis yells at us for staying out passed curfew, I'll tell him it was your fault."

Jean rolled his eyes "Like you would have the guts to… I've seen how you claim up even if he's just looking in your general direction." I pushed him away but he grabbed my arms and leaned in with a confident smirk my face heated up instantly and I looked away "What's wrong Marco? Did you hurt your arm-" "N-no…" it was suddenly silent, just the rain hitting the stone floor and buildings…until I heard him sigh loudly, I looked back to him just as he pressed forward and our lips met. In shock, both of us couldn't even hear the rain anymore as we stared at each others wide eyes. He pulled away first and faced the down pour "Erm…s-sorry…I didn't know you were going to turn your head." my heart was racing so fast but I managed a nod…I had known I liked Jean more than a friend for weeks…but this was just verification…and somehow I just knew from that day on I would protect Jean with my life even though I knew my feelings would not be returned….it was my destiny and duty.

It wasn't as though that was the reason I loved this Jean…this Jean- before I even remembered who he was to me- fought to keep me alive and even though I really didn't like the fact that he was acting like I was a feather…I knew he was just being thoughtful and I admired that about him…I didn't care that we would never really be together physically…he probably wouldn't ever return my feelings…again. But I didn't care about that kind of stuff….as long as I got to live by his side I would be happy.

Leaving work was always accompanied by a long stretch and (as long as she wasn't with .) a short chat with Krista, but she wasn't working that day so I decided to talk to Armin about coming over later sense he also worked there. I came over to the nurses desk where he was finishing up a call and he gave me a curt nod in acknowledgment before saying goodbye and hanging up and leaning over the desk a little "So? How did it go?" "…How did what go?" if I remembered right the last thing we had talked about was how we wished each other a good weekend…hmm…guess he was referring to that…? I shrugged "It was…eventful." he gave me this wired smile…like he was proud of me or something…what was I missing here?

"I'm glad to hear… Do you mind me asking who it is?" now that question had me surprised. "Wait…how the hell did you-" "I-I know! I'm so sorry… Yamir told me…it's none of my business who you date-" I smacked myself in the face so hard it echoed throughout the waiting room and I groaned "That fucking bitch…"

I was bored…I had cleaned the whole apartment already and I still had another hour before Jean would get back. It was a little unnerving faced with having to wait…and the thought of being in a group of Jean's friends was actually terrifying…what if they all weren't as nice as Eren? What if they thought I was a- I took in a shaky deep breath and laid down on the couch. Think positive…I had learned that as long as I had a positive outlook on life I wouldn't go back to that place. And so I thought positively. "Well, if Jean and Eren are excepting of me than I should be excepting of Jean's other friends… they're probably going to be kind people…hopefully no more of them will have tempers…" I sighed loudly and closed my eye…a nap would pass the time faster.

"Do you always talk to yourself?" I shot straight up in a panic the voice was right next to me how had I missed the sounds of footsteps? "H-Hanji! How do you keep getting in?" she shrugged with the slightly crazed smile never faltering "The door surrendered to me." what does that even mean? "Eh…um do you need sugar again?" "Nope! I came to see you again!" the thought of someone taking time out of their life just to see me would have made my chest grow warm with utter joy…but Hanji was more than a bit too much to handle. She grabbed my hand and pulled me up with a very unexpected amount of strength and she held my hand in hers tightly with a look of excitement as she spoke "Marco! Would you let me do a test on you? Please!?" oh no…I shivered and looked away "I'm not sure if that's a good idea…"

She took a step forward "Of course it's a good idea! I could even construct a new arm and half a face for you." "Y..You can really do that?" there was a glimmer of hope…but was she telling the truth? She laughed manically looking a bit more serious "And I could figure out how long that body has before it falls apart." what should I do? Did I even want to know how much time I had left? I closed my eye and smiled "I'd rather not know how long I have left… I'm sorry but…no." she opened her mouth to protest just as the yell of 'What the fuck?' came from the entry way, it was clearly Jean's voice and I felt my heart ached with longing…but I wouldn't acted on it…It would end badly.

The front door was cracked. The lock and handle completely missing. "What the fuck?" it was all I could think until I connected the dots…that creep had been in my house again…."Marco?" I called as I peeked in the kitchen…nothing… so I went the living room and there he stood facing away towards the balconies glass doors. "Marco?" he seemed to flinch away a little as I reached for his shoulder before he turned to me… it felt so oddly familiar…the sun setting through the window…and his smile…it was so bright and beautiful…but there was an overwhelming sense of pain underneath… his eyes…. I'd seen it hundreds of times at the hospital. The eyes of someone prepared to die… I had an sudden urge to hug him tightly…to tell him he was fine….but at the same time I wanted to punch him right in the face and yell at him for giving up.

"Welcome home! How was work?" I stood there for a second watching his smile turn into a frown of confusion "Jean?" how could he be- no…_**act**_ so happy when he wasn't I didn't even notice as he took a step back with a worried eye…I guess I was glaring…"Marco…" I took a shaky breath in trying to remember not to yell at him…not to hurt him…but right as I announced "We need to talk." the fucking door bell rung…not that the shithead on the other side even bothered to wait for me to let him in as he walked in like he owned the place with his PlayStation and grinned like an idiot at us "Hey! Guess what I brought?" I groaned "A shitty ass PlayStation and not your Xbox like you said on the phone." it wasn't a question…Eren visibly slumped but soon was glaring "PlayStations are cool to you know!" I rolled my eyes and looked over to Marco but he had gone out to the balcony…looking over the city with that vague expression…I hated myself…how could I pull him out of something I didn't even understand?

"Yo…did something happen…?" Eren called from his spot by the flat screen TV trying to plug in the game…he was watching Marco outside as well and I looked away. This wasn't my fault…Marco was depressed from his situation…I wasn't the cause of his pain…right? "Eren…shut up." and for once he did, though he was probably upset… he cared about other peoples problems too much even though he acted like an arrogant asshole. Mikasa and Armin showed up two minutes later and a minute after that so did Reiner and Bertolt.

I didn't want to talk to Jean…I knew he had noticed my drop in mood…just the thought of death…how it probably wasn't that far away for me…I would have to return to the white place, forever. With the sun setting behind the buildings and the cool air ruffling my hair I smiled, though tears brimmed my eye I wouldn't let them fall…I needed to stop this stupid pity party and live the life I had left with the most important person to me.

It was actually scary the way the many people shouting at the game all turned their heads to me and stared. Jean stood up and stumbled over a blond boy and Eren sitting on the floor making his way to me. "Everyone, Marco, Marco, everyone." I waved awkwardly but at least some of them smiled (everyone besides the girl with the red scarf) the blond sitting on the couch waved back "Nice to meet you, Marco." the man on the other side of him poked the blond in the face as he said his greeting as while…his name was Bertolt and the blond that was swatting his hand away was Reiner. The shorter blond stood up and came to shake my hand "Hi, I'm one of Jean's coworkers, Armin Arlert!…um…" I could see the unasked questions on his tongue…but he didn't ask. Eren who was playing the game still called over "So Marco…are you crashing here?" I looked to Jean for less than a second before smiling down at him "Yes."

The night drifted by, everyone had ended up raiding the fridge around nine leaving Jean and I eggs and frozen meals…I guess he would be shopping after work the next day… at one point- around midnight actually- a man named Levi showed up and took his place on the floor with Eren seated in his lap…it wasn't long after that Levi demanded Eren to leave with him…Jean had wooed and hollered but then everyone suddenly had to leave sense…the game was Eren's after all and so he followed Levi out with the it. At the door everyone had reminded me that they were glad to have met me…and that had me in higher spirits.

There wasn't much of a mess in the living room but the kitchen was a disaster…I'd clean it the next day I told myself mentally before heading to the couch where Jean had passed out. It probably wasn't a good idea for him staying up as late as he did considering the fact that he had work in the morning. I didn't want to wake him up… he just looked so calm…so I took the spare blanket draped over the back of the couch and went to the balcony, laying down on one of two out door chairs…it wasn't the prettiest sky that was for sure. Just a few stars and a half moon… but I didn't want to ever stop looking up at it…I wanted to be here forever and forever…with Jean.

**Will Marco's wish ever come true...? reality is harsh and sometimes...we just don't want reality to be it's self...but what if reality is where the person you love is?...Marco has some hard decision to make... and soon**

**reviews are always nice~ they help me write faster *hint hint* ;D**


	6. Chapter 6

Hello~ so I just noticed I lied about the whole 'Marco blushing in Jean's bed' thing in the author's note at the end of chapter 4... Yeah... Chapter 5 ended up going in a deferent detection... Anywho~ my computer is no longer working anymore so this chapter and on will be from my iPod until I get a new computer... If I get a new computer...

please enjoy this new chapter!

Mirrors

There was the tiniest bit of light shinning in my through my eye lids but I wasn't ready to wake up so I ignored it... Probably just some lights from outside... But.. Why was I on the couch? My bed defiantly didn't feel like knitted wool. Arg... Guess I would would get up... I was half way sitting up when I thought of something... Where was Marco? "Shit" was he gone? Had he left? Was he out in the streets? Okay okay... Calm down. He was probably just in the bathroom or maybe he went and slept on my bed because I was hogging the couch... I'll just check to make sure...

High strung movements supposedly walking lead me through the dark to the bathroom, but it was wide open with no one inside... So.. He was sleep in my bed? I went down the hall farther to the only other door ( besides the hall closet) the door was closed as it mostly is but it looked as though it was slightly ajar. I pushed the door open while knocking... But he wasn't there either. Why was my heart racing so fast? And what was that horrible feeling sitting in the pit of my stomach? Honestly... He couldn't have gone that far, I shouldn't have been freaking out so much... But something was screaming in my head to find him... To not let him die alone.

"He's not dead.." I mumbled under my breath as I hurried back down the hall, made a quick check of the kitchen before pulling a coat on... Better check the balcony before I leave. I ran to the glass doors and flipped open the blinds... There he was. He wasn't gone... Not physically . It wasn't that cold of a night luckily, he might've gotten sick if it had been a normal night in the city this time of year. He was sleeping soundly, chest rising and falling and the almost comical snoring... I sat down on the floor beside him and hesitantly took his hand in mine... His skin was so soft... And the freckles that blanketed all of it were so... Marco... I wonder how long it would take to count them all... What was I thinking? I was still delusional I guess... I didn't like Marco that way...

I didn't open my eye, only because I was afraid that if I opened them he would let go. His thumb brushed back and forth over the top of my hand for what felt like such a short amount of time but in reality must have been several minutes when suddenly he raised my hand higher and I felt soft lips kissing my palm... This... This had to be some sort of joke... Or maybe I was dreaming... Oh god, I could feel my face growing more red every second he stayed like that... But when he stopped I suddenly... Wish he hadn't I loved the feel of his lips, they were so soft... So gentle.

No. He did that for some medical reason. He would never really want to kiss someone like me... And that's when I felt something creeping up my throat.. Hot, thick, liquid with a strong taste of iron. Blood. I sat up abruptly taking Jean by surprise but there was no time for talking. I got up and went to the railing, a coughing attack sent the blood pouring out of my mouth in sort burst... This was bad. What if someone was down there and saw the blood? Would it separate in the air on the way down enough so that no one noticed?

Jean grabbed hold of me by the shoulder and pulled me away from the railing... Guess he was thinking the same thing as me. He half way carried me inside to the kitchen where he sat me down in a chair and rushed to get some towels. The blood was slowly pouring out my lips, pooling at my chin before dropping onto the pants Jean had let me borrow... They were a bit snug but that was to be expected considering he was more fit than me... Funny how a doctor his in better shape than a soldier... Ow... What was that pain in my throat just now?

He tried to look down but I pushed his head back up "Sorry Marco, I don't have any anesthetics so hold still and I'll try to do this as quick as I can." I didn't wait for him to respond and quickly continued the insertion of my scalpel into his throat. I would do a something along the lines of a Partial laryngectomy sergery but for draining the blood out not removing his Larynges. Blood began to pour out as I cut through it and he grabbed onto me harshly. I needed to be careful. If I did one thing wrong I could send him into shock. I pulled his hands off me and ran for the hall closet where I dug around until I found the vacuum attachment. Perfect size. When I got back to him He was keeping his head up, trying his hardest not to look in pain but the tears rolling down his face mixing with blood was evident enough.

"I'm sorry Marco... This is going to hurt really bad." I sterilized the vacuum tube attachment in the sink before coming back to him... This was it... If it didn't work I would kill him... But if I didn't he would bleed to death... And so I pushed the tubing into his Larynges... Blood started pouring through the tube. No blood out of his mouth anymore. That was a good sign. " How are you doing Marco?" I looked up to him as he looked down at me trying his hardest to smile I hated to see him with that face. Still holding the tubing into the sink I reached up with my other hand that was covered in blood and pushed his tears away and he leaned into my hand and closing his runny eye... I think... I might actually love him.

After ten minutes of a steady stream of blood pouring out of my neck I was starting to get light headed but then the stream stopped abruptly. Jean looked at it surprised "That was... Sudden..." Hm? Wasn't it suppose to be that quick? Suddenly the tube started to fill up again... But it wasn't blood... It was black ash and glimmering shards of mirror... No. Not here... I didn't want Jean to see it. I heard him take a sharp breath before standing up and looking away... Was he scared? Disgusted? That's when I heard a chocked sob... No... Jean was upset.

I tried to say something to comfort him, anything... But when I tried I chocked on the tube... I guess actions speak louder than words... I grabbed hold of his blood covered hand that wasn't holding the tube and hesitantly brought it to my lips, just a peck... I don't think I would have survived if I had attempted on doing it as long as he had. He turned back around with a nervous smile as he laughed awkwardly and wiped his tears away "S-sorry. I'm fine... I don't know why it made me so upset." In the process of wiping away his tears he had smudged blood on his cheek but I don't think he realized. He looked away from me and the tube and his voice got a lot rougher "And um... Sorry for earlier... You were awake weren't you?" He smacked his forehead with a sigh "Well this is a bit awkward."

The room fell silent, besides the constant sound of sand and glass moving through the tubing and dropping in the sink until... Finally it trickled to a stop. Jean waited a few more minutes to make sure it didn't start up again but this time it was done. "I'm going to take the tube out now, okay?" I nodded just the tiniest amount so not to push against the plastic. And he slowly pulled on it. It was a horrible feeling, as if he were ripping my whole throat out with it but when it was out I felt a lot better. It was the first time I had felt physical pain in this world... It was terrifying... My body was breaking down around me and soon... No. I told myself not to focus on that... I needed to live... But what happens when I've reached the end? I would have to leave... Write a note telling him I was feeling a lot better thanks to to him and that I wanted to start my own life... So he wouldn't have to deal with my body... Would my body stay? Or would it fade away?

"If it hurts that bad you should tap me on the shoulder or something..." It didn't really hurt all that much anymore... But tears were filling up my eyes for a different reason. I smiled at him before reaching out to him... Just let me be selfish for one moment... I pulled him to me so I was hugging his waist "M-Marco, I know you can't answer this but... Do you have déjà vu right now?" I felt one of his hands rest itself in my hair and I sighed "No." It hurt so I stopped but I wanted to say 'because I remember.' But it was too much of a strain. He pulled away from me with a horrified expression "you're not suppose to talk for another two days!- just... Umm... Wave your hand up and down for 'yes' and shake it back and forth for 'no' okay?" I rolled my eye and shook my hand up and down and he smiled.

"Are you feeling light headed?" He shook his hand back and forth "Are you gonna be okay when I put in the stitches?" He waved his hand up and down and I nodded back to him. "Okay, I'll be right back. I'm gonna go grab the thread and needle out of the first aid kit." He smiled reassuringly as watched him while walking the opposite way... I just felt... If I looked away for one second he wouldn't be there when I looked back again. But that was stupid, I couldn't just feel around for the first aid kit behind me so I pried my eyes away from him and grabbed up the spool of thick string and the needle before turning back to him... See? He was still there... He would always be there...

Hope is a horrible thing... Why have it? I'll tell you why... Because without hope you can't very well be in love... I loved him... Even if it had been less than a week since we had officially met... I had known him all my life... I looked forward to those dreams of him. And now, I looked forward to waking up and having breakfast with him each morning. It was stupidly gay but that's what I hoped for. I knew our relationship would only go as far as caretaker and patient... But if it meant he would stay with me for the rest of his life then that's what I hoped for.

After I stitched the slit in his Larynges I did the same to the outer flesh and wiped the stray blood and soot... I don't know what it was but the mere sight of the black ash on his pale white skin made me want to vomit and cry... I did not like whatever it was. "There, all done. Do you think you can stand?" He lifted his hand but his eye brows scrunched together and he just wiggled his hand around and I laughed "Well, I'll help you to the couch then." I grabbed his forearm and lower back as I helped him out of the chair and into the living room. The sun was starting to come up over the tops off the city and the trail of blood on the floor leading from the balcony to around the comer into the kitchen looked like a brutal murder had taken place. But it didn't matter, I'd clean it up after Marco was comfortable. I set him down as gently as I could on the couch and he mouthed 'thank you.' To me. Marco's face turned red as I rubbed his hair before pulling away and picked my phone up off the coffee table where I had left it the night before and dialed Armin's number.

It rang four times and in between the fourth and fifth ring he picked up, his voice groggy as he cleared it and answered "Hello?" I scratched at my hair as I walked back and forth around the room "Eh... Are you not at work right now?" "Jean? No I'm not, I don't go in for another four hours... What is it?" " Um, look. I have a family emergency going on right now so when you get to work can you call Yamir and tell her to take the surgeries I was scheduled to do to day?" I saw Marco shaking his hand back and forth but I acted as though I didn't see him. "I don't know if I can tell her to do them... I mean, some of them over lap her own schedule.. But I guess I can ask her... I'm sure I can find some people to take them on though." "Thanks, Armin-" "Please don't call me so early in the morning again." And with that he hung up... Sheesh... Guess he's not much of a morning person.

Marco gave me a look that said 'You really didn't have to do that' but I did. There was no way I could've left him that day. "Are you all good?" He waved his hand up and down and as he tried to get a conferrable position. I went to the next task then... Cleaning up all the blood... Believe it or not but even though I was a surgeon, I hated the iron-y smell of blood... It was disgusting, making me almost gag every time. But I never let it get in the way of work and I defiantly wouldn't let it get to me now.

It took Jean until noon to get it all cleaned... I felt bad... I had just watched him scrub and scrub at every thing blood had gotten on. He came back out after his shower drying his hair off with one of the few towels that weren't saturated in blood and he sighed "So, I need to go buy towels and food... Maybe I can call Eren and make him pick it up for me since he was the one who ate half my fridge last night..." I shook my hand then signaled him that he could go by batting my hand and pointing in the direction of the door but Jean look unimpressed "I'm not leaving you Marco. Just... Stop acting like you're okay all the time, I can tell when when your smile is fake." Suddenly I felt as though my whole body were drooping... I didn't want to drag him down with my problems... I wanted things to stay as normal as possible before I had to go...

He messed up his wet bangs and sat down on the edge of the couch by next to me. "Marco... Just... Don't force yourself to be happy. If you're feeling sad or angry don't bottle it up." Jean awkwardly patted my hand and looked away... I smiled and poked his arm so he would look back over and I mouthed 'I'm happy' his eye brows drew together "But not all the time." There was so much I wanted to tell him right then... But I settled on waving my hand yes then holding up my index finger to stop him from saying anything else yet and shrugged, ow that hurt my throat a little. "You can't just shrug it off... I... I want to make you happy, but there's so much I can't understand about you that I wonder if I'll ever be able to." No... I felt a horrible sting in my chest and a burn behind my eye. I knew exactly what he was feeling... The gape between us, the thing that separated us from man and monster.. It would always be there.

And that's when I felt the tears roll down my face, even the black hole where my other eye was suppose to be I could numbly feel water pouring out of it as well. Jean of course noticed and pulled me closer very gently... And I let myself be selfish again, mouthing 'I love you so much' into his shoulder... It was going to be the only time I let myself say it. I saw a flash of the white place... The broken mirror. And then the voice of the fog spoke directly into my ear "When you fall asleep, you won't be waking up... Marco." I squeezed Jean tighter... And closed my eye tight... One more day with him... It's all I ask. The voice was quiet but then it screamed. A scream of a woman being killed and then it laughed in the little girl voice "See you then... Marco." My fate was sealed. I pulled away from Jean and smiled again... But he frowned back at me, my bottom lip trembled before I broke down again... I was falling apart... Much like the reflection of the corps in the broken mirror... Only pieces remained of my image.

I wouldn't cry the next day... I would laugh and joke with Jean like we use to and when he left for work that evening I would leave a note saying I was fine and leave... Go as far as I could from him so his life could continue on like it had before I showed up... Because I loved him... I wanted him to have mostly happy memories of me and not whatever horrible thing that was bound to happen.

It looks as though we are coming to the end of this story :( two or three chapters left one of them being the epilogue. Also I'd like to mention I have no real knowledge of how to operate on someone's Larynges... I just looked up a few things and went bloop... So I know you probably can't shove a vacuum hose into someone like that to drain the blood their choking on but you know what? It was part of the 'fiction' of this 'FanFiction'

Reviews are always lovely so feel free to leave one down below and I will hope you read the next chapter in which sadness will unfold... Or maybe that will be the chapter after the next... I donno, we'll just have to see how it goes.


	7. Chapter 7

Hello~ got nothing to say after writing this so just... Here ya go.

Jean. It was the name of the man lazily making his way into the living room in sweat pants and a dirty white shirt. But 'Jean' was also a type of fabric, I learned from a book laying on the glass coffee table while sipping water through a straw. Also, that a company named 'Levi' made 'Jeans' that accentuated your curves... Oh come on, it was funny! "What're you laughing about?" He yawned out and plopped down on the couch next to me. I held up the book with a raised eyebrow but my smile never left "Why do you even have this? It's just a whole bunch of pictures with women scantily dressed and passages about people calling other people whores and sluts" he squinted at the cover with a very intelligent 'huh?' Before leaning back into the couch again. "Oh that's not mine. My friend Sasha left it here last time she was over. Most chicks nowadays like to read shit like that, but Sasha just buys magazines that have coupons for food in them..."

My nose wrinkled up at it and laughed at the ridiculousness of it all... I didn't like the magazine and had only read it cover to cover while I waited for Jean to wake up and now that he was awake I put it back on the table before turning to look at him. His eyes were closed and his hair was a mess but he somehow was able to remain stunning. I reached out and hesitated waking him up before poking his cheek , a smile broke out on his face then his eyes opened to look at me sidelong with a mock glare before he pushed himself up into a slouched over position.

He turned to me suddenly with a mixture of horror and shock "Wait. You're not suppose to be talking!" Yes, I remember the events of the day before. The blood, the ash... Jean's soft lips on my hand... The way he held me when I cried. Oh no, was my face turning red? "I-it healed overnight I guess!" He rubbed his face in his hands groaning out something like 'You are a complete mystery to me, Marco Bott.' And I couldn't help but laugh. When it settled to a quiet snicker (which didn't tack long on the count of catching sight of Jean's bland, irritated stare) I leaned over to him "So, what's the plan?" He eyed me warily "For what?"

With the roll of my eye I turned over so I was on my back and rested my head in his lap. Maybe this was too intimate, should I move? He was making my face twitch under the blank stare he was giving me, so I looked to the rest of the living room with a nervous chuckle "W-what are we going to do until you have to go to work?" He made this a lot harder not to blush as he stayed silent. I was a grown man with my head laid in another man's lap! Selfish selfish selfish... I was probably making him uncomfortable with how familiar I was suddenly acting towards him when in his mind we had only met a week ago, but I couldn't help myself. I knew we had something like this- if only for a short time- in a different life...

But I couldn't shove my way into his heart when he probably had someone taking that position. He had mentioned the girls at the hospital, and how they flirted with him so obviously... Maybe one day he would settle down and marry one of them... It hurt. But it was a truth I needed to face so I wouldn't push too hard and have him not like me. Because even if I knew he would never love me, I still wanted him to like me as a friend. I started to pull away from him when he shocked me to the core when he hesitantly rested his fingers in my hair. A memory flashed behind my eyes of a cold winter, snowed in, looking up at Jean as he watched the snow out the window, his cold fingers absentmindedly running in my hair... He had loved me, hadn't he?

Not really sure what to do at this point... Things were moving from two dudes hanging out to something... Else. My hand didn't move from his hair, but I didn't start running my fingers through it like I wanted to because I wasn't really sure how Marco would feel about that... But then again... He had been the one who put his head in my lap. Very slowly, I gave into my greedy desire like the shameless bastard that I was. Taking advantage of a cripple... I'm so going to hell for this but it was totally worth it. His shoulders tensed up for a moment before he slowly relaxed with an exhausted sigh. We were quiet for along time before I said in a horrible cracking voice "Lets just... Stay like this for a while.." He didn't answer which I took as an okay and I let out a breath I hadn't noticed I had been holding.

"This is just like that one time... I had gotten sick and training was put off because of the snow storm... I had started crying like a sissy because I was feeling really bad... That's when you did this and told me to stop crying like a little kid..." I looked back down at him from the wall I had been staring at, he was still faced to the side but there was a dazed look in his eye. I smiled down at him. I'm not a big enough idiot to be stupid enough to say 'I don't remember that.' Because I had seen what happens when I had asked him who he was... So I snickered "Sounds like something I would do..." If I could have photographic memory I would have taken a picture right then as he turned his head back over to me. He was smiling... The realist smile I had seen him wear... Well, maybe I had seen it before... But no matter how hard I tried to remember I just couldn't.

Just then the phone rang and I groaned. Total mood killer! Whoever that was, I swear I would kill them... But why? It's not like anything was going to happen... Pfft. I begrudgingly reached over and grabbed the phone on the table. Marco got up off the couch as I pushed the 'talk' button and I watched him as he headed for the kitchen " Hello?" There was a pause on the other end before a high pitch voice came on the other end of the line "I-I'm sorry... Did I wake you up?" Oh. It was Krista... Better not be a total ass to her or Dr. Yamir's boot up my ass will be the first thing that greets me when I go to work later.

"Er... Sorry, thought you were someone else. So, what's up?" "Oh. Well... Yamir, me, and a few people from emergency section C are going out for drinks sense about five of us clock out at 1:00 A. M tonight. And I thought it would be better to ask you now while you're in a good mood... and before you see the surgery line up... Not including the emergency ones that are sure to stack up on top." I rubbed the bridge of my nose but I smiled at the thought of Krista, by far the tiniest chick working in general nurse office B with a big pint of bear at bar...

"Krista, though that sounds great and all, I got to sleep. You know?" I heard Yamir hell from the background "Hang up! He's an old man, he'll probably ruin it if he comes!" Then Krista's scandalous stricken voice yelling away from the phone "Yamir!" I laughed and waved it off even though I knew she couldn't see it "It's fine. Thanks for the offer... Maybe some other time? Preferably far far away from Yamir?" She giggled "Yeah. Defiantly . Sorry again for bothering you in the morning and see you later!" I hung up without saying goodbye and chucked the phone onto the couch and started to the kitchen only to find Marco standing there on the edge of the step up into the rest of the house with a smile not as dazzling as the one before had been "We're out of food." Of course... Shit.

I closed the front door behind him and a really pathetic laugh escaped my throat in a chocking manner. Yes of course... I had heard the whole conversation from the kitchen. It's not like I had been meaning to listen in, the wall dividing the two rooms did nothing as to block sound with both ends open to the living room... I just... I knew I was in no place to feel hope shatter, I wasn't suppose to have any! My face burned and I rubbed away the lingering feeling of his fingers running slowly through my hair. Jean liked women. Get over it- ignore it if you have to... Just, enjoy the few hours you had left with him.

It's funny, for the first time I noticed that we had fallen back into who we both use to be; I was laughing for real and making little comments that I knew would fluster him, and Jean wasn't acting like I was the most pitiful thing ever. He was glaring and saying rude stuff about other people... And he was still secretly sweet. But that wasn't who we were now- maybe Jean but not me... Though this was a different version of him and I was the same... He was more like himself than I was myself. I was just a shell- no. I was the reflection of Marco... Ah, now I get why the mirror was there in the white place, to remind me.

"Yo, Marco! I could use some help with these bags!" He paddled across the tile and stared at me with wide eyes "Did you buy the whole store?" "Just help me!" He came over and went to grab a bag when he looked over to what was there of his left shoulder and laughed but obviously he wasn't finding it funny... More cynical sounding if anything "I tried to grab the bag with a ghost arm." Was all he said before picking up the bag and carting it to the kitchen as I struggled with the rest. I changed the conversation away from his missing arm as I started restocking the cupboards and fridge "I got lots of different shit so what do you want for..." I looked down at my watch and grimaced "Brunch? It's brunch now." He snorted with a laugh and my heart shook with triumphantly giddy-ness

"Anythings fine." Oh so he was one of those kind of people. What do you want to eat? Oh anythings fine! That doesn't help at all! I asked because I don't know what to make... Arg. Okay, okay... Don't yell at him. I got this. "Mac 'n cheese it is then." He just shook his head lowly but a smile was on his face, because 80% of our lunches had been of the cheese and noodle variety ... Now that I think about it... Had Marco always have lips? Maybe it was just shit from a really fucked up dream I had at one point, but I remember his lips had curled up in decay showing his dried out gums... And hadn't he been almost a gray colour when he arrived? He was a healthy pinkish colour now. "You're healing." He looked over to me with a questioning smile "hm?" "Haven't you noticed? You have lips, your skin is normal... Marco... You're getting better!" This was great! I didn't expect his eye or arm to grow back but if he grew skin over his left side he could start going outside and living normally... Marco looked down at his bandaged side for a long time. Had he passed out again?

I'm so sorry. That's what I wanted to say to him right then as I watched my own chest raise and fall. keeping the burning behind my eye from spilling over. I suddenly felt like barfing again... Usually I didn't start feeling this until he fell asleep, then I would go to the bathroom and throw up everything I had drank or eaten that day... But it was coming up now... And I hadn't ate anything. "Hey, you okay there?" I looked up screaming in my head. Pleas. PLEASE don't let him see through my smile again! "That's great!" His smile returned and he tore open the box of uncooked noodles as the water started to boil. After the thought he added "Maybe we can go out somewhere this Saturday ..." But I acted like I hadn't heard that part. By Saturday he would probably already have a date... And I wouldn't be here anyways.

We spent the next three hours just hanging out on the couch. Jean told me the story of how his rival in high school Eren had somehow ended up becoming one of his friends over beating up a group of guys that made fun of Armin, though he was hasty to add that that was high school and he had stopped beating people up when his parents threaten to send him to military school. I told him about my home town, how it was always warm and sunny with the exception of winter months, how when I was younger I hated going outside because I would always get more freckles. He asked me if I still hated getting them and I was about to tell him that he had once told me that they were one of his favorite things in the whole world... But that would be too much, I just left it with a simple 'No.'

"If Hanji breaks in again don't be afraid to whack her over the head and push her into the hall. Seriously." I smiled brightly at him and clutched the door handle for support. This was it... Goodbye. Gulping thickly I nodded "Okay, have a good time at work." He rolled his eyes and ran his hand through his hair "like that's possible- anyway, there's food in the fridge if you get hungry and don't wait up for me, I'm working late tonight so get some sleep and I'll see you tomorrow." He turned to go and I bit my lip... I didn't want him to get suspicious but I needed to say it "Thank you Jean... For everything." When he stopped walking I thought for sure he had noticed how weird and quick I had spat it out, however, when he turned to look over his shoulder at me he was smiling "It's no big deal. Goodnight Marco." I smiled back with a curt wave "Goodnight."

When he had disappeared behind a corner he took my smile with him. The door down the hall opened suddenly and Hanji poked her head out "Oh, hey Marco!" "Hey Hanji." I stepped out of the apartment for the first time and went over to her making her smile widen... I took a deep breath and let my shoulders sag when I let it out again "I'm dying..." She looked me over "Really? Because you looked less like a zombie than the last time I saw you." I shook my head "I know... But trust me, okay? When I die, if my body stays behind I'll let you use it for your experiments-" she squealed and hugged my tightly "You're the best! Don't worry I won't use it for anything weird and none of it will go to waste!" Shivering I pushed away from her.

"-But only if you never tell Jean and drive me as far away from here as possible until I'm gone, okay?" She nodded enthusiastically and ran back inside her apartment calling back to me "Just give me a minute to find my keys!" That was fine, I needed to go back to Jean's, change back into my uniform he had folded and left on top of the wash machine, write the letter that told him I was going to start my own life and not to worry about me, and lock myself out of the place I had called home for the last week.

Work was work. The smell of blood chemicals, Armin and Krista dealing with the hysterical family of a guy who ended up not even being in this section of the hospital. 's graphic details of removing a still living clam from the idiot who thought it would be a good laugh to swallow in the break room... No one was really feeling like eating after that one. I was tired. Never before in my life had I wanted to go home so badly only half way through my shift. It was something in the last thing Marco had said to me. Sure I could tell he had truly been sincere in his thanking me... It was just the way he said it that was bothering me.

Sinking into the not so comfortable office chair, I checked my phone to see if Marco had called at all only to see with disappointment and irritation that Eren had called me thirty-seven times and filled up my voice messages. With a groan I threw my phone back into my bag, I shouldn't worry too much. Marco was fine.

My guts felt as if someone was smashing them up with a spiked hammer. It was okay though, as soon as we were out of the city I would be able to breathe without chocking on some kind of smoke. Hanji was currently caring on her own eccentric conversation about what she would use my body for but I had taken to ignoring her after the first two minutes. We pulled up to a stop for cars and I looked out my window only to have dread greet me. In the vehicle stopped along side us was Eren and Levi. It was fine.. I looked away before they noticed me... But then Hanji gasped and honked her horn "Heichou~!" No! I looked to her horrified but she didn't seem to care. "Marco?! Where's Jean?" Finally, all the cars started to move again and I gave Eren a curt nod before Hanji sped off the line, weaving in between others receiving lots of choice words and honking. She turned to me with a grin after a few minutes "We should make it out of the city in a half an hour then it's nothing but long grass hills and trees for a long time- while, probably a lot longer than you have." I closed my eyes and remembered the feeling of Jean holding me tight and his last words to me 'Goodnight Marco.'

It was 12:56 A.M... Four minutes until I could leave and I intended to spend that time staring at the clock... That is until Armin came jogging up to me with a deeply concerned look "Hey, Eren's been trying to get a hold of you for hours." I shrugged, 12:57. "What's so important that he has to call me a million times? That just makes me want to talk to him less." Armin bit his lip and looked to the side "Er... Well, he said something about seeing Marco while Levi and him were on their way to an open house... Jean?" No. There was no fucking way Marco was out wondering around.. Without even looking to the clock I threw my jacket off into his arms and ran the short distance to where my black gym bag full of my street clothes and my cell phone was waiting and dialed Jaeger.

"Finally! I've been trying to get a hold of you for-" "What did you see." There was a pause, in which I managed to toss my duffle bag over my shoulder and practically run for the elevator "Marco has been abducted by your crazy neighbor! He was in her car at the inner section of G and T street around eight." I hung up on him there. Rage and fear pulsating in the veins of my forehead. If she did anything. Anything. I was going to kill her. Climbing onto my car I threw my bag into the back seat and dung my key into the ignition. They were probably just going for a drive, maybe he just wanted to see the city. Damn, my eyes were blurring with tears that I pushed away quickly.

The apartment was dark. I numbly walked into the silent living room... He was gone. No. I wouldn't except that as an answer! I couldn't just crumble like this, not yet. My fist clenched the keys into my palm as I ran out of my apartment just in time to see Hanji lazily trying to unlock her front door. "Where the fuck is Marco!?" She hummed not looking up from the handle of the door "Have you checked your apartment? I hear he lives there-" "Don't even try to give me that shit! Not right now." I had trouble calming down my trembling shoulders... And that's when my voice gave way to a desperate whisper "Just... Tell me what happened to him." She sighed loudly before looking me in the eyes almost on the verge of a normal emotion such as sadness. " After I drove him about twenty miles out of the city like he told me to he said that he wanted to get out of the car... I pulled over and he got out... Then he just turned into ash-" I didn't want to hear anymore... My guts were being torn out with everyone one if her words but I managed a glare at her before I turned and stomped back to my apartment.

The door closed behind me and I held myself tightly, shaking as chocked sobs escaping my burning throat. He did it again. He went off and died by himself. It didn't even bother me as a flash of first time came flooding into my brain... It just added another reason to let my wobbly legs give way and to let the sobs rip my throat apart. He didn't even say anything. Did he think I would be happy if I didn't know? If... if i would have known, i would have told him how much i love him even if he didn't love me or himself... I would have died in his place even if that made him hate me. I looked up from the floor with eyes foggy from streams of tears to the silent apartment... he wasn't ever going to walk around the corner wrapped up in my blanket ever again. slamming my head into the tile I gave in completely, sobbing just as I had every time I woke up from the dream when I was I kid "Marco... Marco!" I was too late.

There is one more chapter and then an epilogue so stay tuned!


	8. Chapter 8

Hello~ this is the final chapter! :) :(... But there will be a short epilogue so don't think this is it!

It was no surprise to me when I opened my eyes only to find myself in the white place again... The coldness that hollowed out my chest, and the searing pain aching everywhere. Shuddering, I looked around... I guess I would start walking again... That's all I could do if I didn't want to just stand there for eternity, right?

In the distance for a moment I thought for sure I could hear someone scream but decided it was my imagination... Like the chances I thought I had of staying in that paradise with Jean... No. I didn't want to think about him... I didn't want to think at all, but forcing yourself to stop thinking when you have something extremely heavy weighing on your mind is almost impossible to turn it off.

"Jean, this is ridiculous!" I sighed and shoved more of my things into a box. "If you think so, leave." Eren hesitated before groaning and plopping down on my messy bed. It was final. A month had passed since Marco... Since Marco... Left... I grieved and all that, got myself dangerously drunk one night and almost jumped off my balcony, I had showed up to work after the week I took off unshaven and reeking of alcohol... They had sent me home saying if I didn't get a hold of myself I would be fired... I never got ahold of myself.

I was on a dangerous spiral into manic depression and an alcohol addiction to boot... It got to the point none of my friends could handle being around me because one moment I would be fine and then something would remind me of him and I'd either lash out at them or cry... Since I didn't have a job at the hospital anymore, I couldn't pay for my apartment... And so I had decided it was a good thing... Being constantly surrounded by the environment we had once shared was too much. I'm sure if I stuck around any longer I'd turn suicidal.

Eren didn't understand... Although he was sad to hear that Marco left, it was only momentary... Because he had only known him for a week so there wasn't that many memories to look back on and really understand the person... He was just a well acquainted stranger to him, why would he grieve? He of course knew that I had liked Marco... But in his mind, a week was not long enough to completely and wholly mold to someone... So he thought I was completely over reacting.

"...Where do you even plan on living?" He sounded concerned... With a groan of my own. I shoved the last of my clothes into the box and started taping it closed. "I... I don't know... As far away from the city as my car will take me before I run out if gas or something." "Wait... So your just gonna leave...? Everything- everyone that you know? You know your mom still lives in the city, you gonna leave her behind to?" Pifft. I didn't really care what that old bat thought or felt about me... I'd stopped caring when she had introduced me to my 'new Daddy' when I was twelve.

"Do you even want me around? I mean, seriously Eren. I'm not fun to be around the way I am now... I don't know if I just need some time or if I'll be stuck like this... But I can't just go back to being the same anymore ... I have to try and fix this on my own, okay?" I heard him sit up on my bed and turned to face his horrified expression "Jean. They have people that help you with mental abuse problems. If that's what it takes to make you stay, I'll pay for the first three sessions." I rolled my eyes and sat the box next to the others... With my car I knew only so many boxes could go with me, but I was boxing up everything... If I was going to leave most of my stuff behind for the land owner to clean up I might as well be courteous after scaring some other tenants in the lobby a few times when I was drunk off my rocker.

"I'm leaving, Eren. I gotta start over-" "You spent one week with him! One. Week... And now you need to rethink your life!? That's shit man. Shit!" That does it. I snapped... Throwing the book I had been packing up at Eren as hard as I could "Get out." He groaned, holding his head as he stood up "Fuck you." A snicker escaped him and right before he left he turned back to me "You didn't deserve someone like Marco anyway." I bit my lip... It's okay, breathe through your nose and count to ten. 1, 2, 3, 4... Shit... Hot tears streamed down my face and the front door slamming shut behind Eren sounded from the other room, but I could care less. We had gotten into stupid fights way worse than this... Maybe when I settled down somewhere I would give him a call... But not right now... You see, Eren didn't understand... Because I hadn't ever told him about my dreams of the white place... And I hadn't told anyone about the new dreams that had me waking up to my own screams of terror.

My mind wouldn't let him go... I wondered how much time had past in the real world from when I had left... Who knows? Jean could already have settled down, found a sweet woman, and started a family... Maybe he would tell them about the week a zombie stayed with him as a spooky bedtime story... Or maybe he had forgotten me entirely. I was snapped out of my thoughts when I notice all the fog rushing past me, drawing together until compressed into a spiraling slender less than ten feet in front of me.

It was all there, no longer did the fog cover anything and the stone paved ground that stretch on and on was now clearly visible, though noticing you're standing right on top of a massive blood stain was very unsettling... But I guess the same is to be said in regards to the fog's behavior. Suddenly, the slender burst in a massive explosion, shooting in every direction and almost sending me toppling to the ground but I managed to right myself.

There, standing before me now, was a little girl- she couldn't have been any older than twelve- her skin held no pigment, making her ghost-like. She was wearing a simple pair of white short, no shoes, and a white band on her chest, and her hair a bob. But the thing that had my heart stop wasn't the reality setting in that this was the fog... The one who wouldn't let me be with Jean... It was the completely black eyes her white lashes fluttered against. She had stopped my heart. It wasn't a painless thing, it twisted what I had of guts and made me gasp for air.

'It's alright Marco... The pain will pass once you go back to sleep." As if by some invisible beings doing I roughly fell to my knees and gasped in pain... I steadied myself before a sobb-y whisper of "N-no it won't. It never will!" Spilled out of my mouth before I let the grief finally get to me and I started to cry, ignoring how it only seemed to make my coiling guts inflame with hate for everything- myself included. It grew colder as the fog stepped closer to me. "This is all my fault that this happened to you." I chocked on my sob as I felt the surprisingly warm and comforting hand touch my back.

"That Jean isn't yours, Marco. He was suppose to marry the owner of the hospital's daughter who he never really would be happy with, after twelve years of marriage he would find out she was cheating on him and drunkly drive over the railing of the nearest bridge... Drowning." No no. I squeezed my eyes shut taking shaky breaths to calm myself "I don't want to hear this... Please stop." But she ignored me. "Now this Jean's future is unknown... Impossible to determined what he will say or do." Here she took her hand off my back and squatted down to my level, her inky eyes staring back at me when I reopened mine. "I like you. You are a favorite of my people... To put others before yourself and never ask to be praised, to be loved the way you deserve to be... The next Jean... He was going to be yours. You and him would be together for sixty years before dying in your sleep together... I hadn't taken into account this Jean being a gateway to the spirit realm... Nor that he would be powerful enough to pull you out."

The diner sucked. My cheese burger was anything but beef and the bun was soggy... But this was my first meal in at least three days and... Wait, what was that smell? Not so discreetly I sniffed myself and almost gaged. I guess it was time for me to find a place to stay other than my car- at least for the night so I could take a shower and shave my face.

As I chewed my food I looked to the flat plains outside the diner window... I hadn't lasted that long on one tank of gas and before I knew it I had filled my tank up three times and I week had gone by... I wondered if maybe I could just keep going, never settle down and just keep going... No... I didn't have money forever and I had already decided I was heading for a small mountain town on the opposite side of the country... What I would do when I got there? I hadn't the clue. Maybe they needed a doctor...

Throwing down ten bucks on the table, I got up and went for the door. Compared to the city, this area was almost as hot as a summers day, I was fishing in my pocket for the key to my car when a sudden flash of me kissing Marco hit me and almost had me shattering onto the floor before my car "Damnit! Stop doing this this to me!" I fiercely mumbled, digging more feverishly. Ah! There they were. I tried to stop my hand from shaking and my eyes from blurring over but it was too late... I was gonna have another break down in yet another parking lot.

"You could still have him... The next Jean... You just have to stop fighting and sleep." I shook my head violently and looked to her pleadingly "I want to be with THIS Jean! I don't care if things don't work out- or if we ever get together... All I want is to be with him." She stared at me for a long moment before standing once again, dragging me up with her. "Marco, look around..." The sounds registered to me first... The screams... The cries... The groans of pain. And then I realized, we were surrounded by people... People that were walking through each other like each one was on a different layer... They were all wondering the white place alone together... Like me.

"I could alter everyone who's waiting destiny by slipping you in to a time not meant for you... The result would be chaos... But there is a 20% chance I can smooth it out with the universe." She reached over and held my hand loosely much like a child would so not to get lost in a crowed "If I do this for you... You'll be stuck with your old memories... Even the memory of your death. And you won't have these memories of 'the white place' and of this Jean... Would you be able to handle that?" I nodded and was about to say something... But that was too much... I shouldn't ask that- "You won't look like this. It was a mess up. Now. Close your eyes and sleep... It will take a while, but I'll have you and Jean meet two years ago." I couldn't help myself, I grabbed hold of her and pulled her to my stomach for a hug and I felt her warm arms hesitantly hug me back as she whispered

"Sleep Marco..."

I love this story so much! Argh! I'm thankful to the people who enjoyed it to... Thank you to the people who wrote reviews. Loved them all!

Now. DON'T FORGET ABOUT THE EPILOGUE! It will be on its way soon :)


	9. Epilogue

Mirrors

Epilogue:

A sigh made it's way out of my lips before I could stop it... Not that anyone in the crowded city bus minded, I wasn't even there in their version of reality as the typed away a cellphones, I just didn't want to make that sort of sound when this was the day my life would change. Beside myself, I pulled the message scribbled out on a wrinkled, faded yellow sticky note out of my pocket. It still said the same thing yet it made my heart flutter the same amount as it did each time I read it; "Try not to get sick again. -Mom" it had stayed in my pocket since five month pryer when I was released from the hospital and found it pasted to the fridge in my apartment.

The bus pulled to a stop and I followed the flow of people exiting its confines as more shuffled inside to take our places. With a short walk, I made it through the chilly weather to the hospital doors... This was it... Nervousness ebbing up in the pit of my stomach but I pushed through it and walked straight up to the front desk. "Um... Hi, can you point me to general check ups?" The woman pointed down the hall and I nodded "Thank you."

When I reached the sitting room, I pulled my shirt up over my nose and sat in between a sniffling boy and a coughing elderly lady. Ever since I was born I had had fairly poor health circumstances, wether it be catching a cold every time I went outside, it was finding out I had thin Rh-null blood so even if it was the smallest of cuts I would need to go to the emergency room or I would just keep bleeding for hours... Probably didn't help that I had a history for getting nosebleeds often and that Rh-null blood type was the hardest to find any for considering it's rareness. My resent over night stay five months ago had been caused on the count that I had forgotten to drink enough water and had ended up passing out on the bus ride back from my mom's house.

But that wasn't the reason I was here today. No, today was my first day of work - Kind of ironic that I would choose to work in a hospital considering all my health problems and that I would be exposed to sick people all day, everyday- But I was two hours early... The only one to blame for that was myself, for not changing my clocks an hour back for Daylight Savings... I would still be an hour early if I had done that, wouldn't I? Awe gees, I just hope they don't think I'm some kind if weirdo for showing up so early.

"John Wilson... Marco Bodt?" My head snapped up when the nurse called out my name... I wasn't here for an appointment... The man that was apparently 'John Wilson' went through the door the nurse was holding open and she gave me a smile in return to my confused expression as I walked up "You must be , My name is Dana." I shook her hand and she ushered me through the door the closed slowly behind us "How did you-"

"They told me to look for the most freckled young man I had ever seen." Oh... Was that a compliment or an insult? She seemed to notice my shoulders slump as she told Mr. Wilson to go into the first door on the right and she gave me a pat on the shoulder "Hey, don't be embarrassed about them. My mom use to say freckles were Angel's kisses... And by the looks of it, you were one of their favorites." She snickered a little and I gave her a smile as she started to dig through a walk-in closet of clean scrubs the hospitals uniformed colour dark blue "And your pretty early, try not to get here any earlier than an hour next time if you want to stay on the receptionist's good side." she pulled out a stack with a piece of paper on top with my last name scribbled down in curly feminine print... The work of one of the female nurses no doubt.

"Down the hall is a door marked 'Authorized permission passed this point only' the third door in that hallway on your left is the men's clocker room... You can change in there and leave your clothes in locker 12B. Come out to see me when your finished." I gave her a nod and walked off to change.

After dressing and clipping on my badge on, I headed back to the nurses desk where Dana was dealing with a sarcastic sounding guy but I couldn't see him quite with her back covering him as I approached her from behind, tapping her lightly on the shoulder to get her attention she turned to me looking a bit aggravated but then she noticed it was only me and sighed "Ah, that colour looks nice on you."

There was a snicker and she turned to the side to look back a the doctor she had been talking to "Dana, aren't you too old for him?" He poked his head around her as she told him that she couldn't wait until she retired the next year because he was driving her crazy... When I saw him curiously looking me over I think my heart stopped and before I could stop myself I asked, shocked to the very core of my soul... "Jean?"

He seemed surprised to... Oh my god, I had found him... Jean oh god... I never told you, I love you... But this time I wou-

"Do I know you?"

No... The heat behind my eyes signaled tears... But I wouldn't. Not right now even as my flesh crawled as flashes of the horrible nightmares were scratched open again like a healing cut... But my cuts never stopped bleeding, didn't they? Giving myself a good hard mental slap, I smiled... Truly smiled as I extended my hand to his "We went to college together, you probably don't remember me. Hi, I'm Marco Bodt, nurse in training." He eyed me incredulously before giving in and shaking my trembling hand "Dr. Jean Krischtein, general doctor now, but I'm training to be a surgeon."

"To save people." He gave me a confused look that broke onto a lopsided smile "Yeah, to save people." Dana coughed into her hand as she still stood between us and gave me wicked smile "Jean, why don't you teach him the ropes today, show him around and all that." Jean seemed to snap out of the dazed stare he had been giving me and glared at the older woman "What? Isn't that your job?" She huffed and held me by both arms to relocate me to in between the two of them "Oh come on, learning how to work along side a doctor is a very important thing! And you own me for coming to my station just to make fun of my age."

With a groan he gave her one more glare before pulling me away from her with one arm over my shoulder "Fine. you're coming with me." When we started down the hall he pulled his arm away from me and gave me a sideways glance "Are you sure we met in college? I feel like we use to hang out or something..." I bit my lip before smiling over to him "No." He seemed to think this over for a moment before shrugging it off "Well, I look forward to working with you." I was by his side again... I looked down at my right arm that swung as we walked... Just mere inches from his hand and I felt my heart lifting again... There was always the chance that one day... Our hands would brush.

The End

and so, new life begins... One that not even the angel's could predict the out come of.

I hope you all liked reading this story as I liked writing it.


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